Stephenie LaGrossa (Palau, Guatemala, Heroes vs Villains)

If you've read any of my previous rankings, you might of noticed I don't particularly care for Stephenie, but there was actually a point in time I really loved her. In Palau, she had a very strong competitive spirit, which was very rare for women at this point in the show for a female and, more importantly, Stephenie knew how to take care of herself. It was a breath of fresh air to finally have a girl who didn't need a father-type, boyfriend-type, brother-type, mother-type bond with another castaway in the show. And after her entire tribe got the boot and she was left at camp all alone, how could you not root for her?

Unfortunately, by the time Guatemala came around, Steph did a total 180. She was completely irrational, took criticism very poorly, and I got so sick and tired of hearing the 'I'm tired of being on the team of losers cuz everyone sucks except me cuz I mean just look at how awesome I am' confessionals she just couldn't resist blabbering.  It's amazing how quickly my feelings went from joy and excitement on seeing her return to joy and excitement to seeing a jury rip her to shreds in the course of one season.

Osten Taylor (Pearl Islands)

Here he is everyone. The original quitter.

The Morgan tribe made a lot of mistakes on their season, but giving Osten the role of MVP was probably the worst one. Hell, the biggest master plan this genius could come up with was taking his pants off in an attempt to distract the other team. Spoiler warning: it didn't work. The guy also had quite the lists of fears as we watched him freak the fuck out over bugs, a pelican, the ocean, and watching his body deteriorate.

After sucking challenge after challenge after challenge and then sucking at camp day after day after day, Osten decided that sucking was getting too hard for him to handle and decided to seal his suck legacy by being the first Survivor quitter.


Mia Galeotalanza (Vanuatu)

I'm not sure if there are many people who remember much about Mia other than the blowup she had at Twila and that's a large reason she got ranked as low as she did, but I also remember Mia being really dumb as well.

The particular example I'm thinking of is when John K asked to have the women divided up from the girls that voted for Dolly from the girls that didn't vote for Dolly. Anyone who's seen an episode of Survivor could tell you what he was doing, but Mia being true to Mia form could only roll her eyes and scoff at how entirely pointless the whole thing was because Mia can't figure out the simple concept of tribe division and how valuable that information can be.

And yes, Mia also bitched out Twila because Twila answered a simple question about work ethic and said 'some work harder then others' but Mia had water in her ears or something cause she heard 'nobody does work except me' and went on a rant that it was Twila's only card to play and blah blah blah. We all were mumbling bitch under our breaths the same time Mia was after that ordeal,  but not about the same person.

'Rocky' Reid (Fiji)

Yet another awful member in the Fiji cast.

What can you say about a guy who starts his Final Words with 'Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!'? Rocky was a loud, abrasive, emotional tool. When he wasn't picking fights with his enemies, he was picking fights with his tribemates. And when that wasn't enough, he was picking fights with his own alliance members.

What's your favorite worst Rocky moment? Mine is the hilarious Rocky reasoning that Anthony's main issue in life is he doesn't know how to stand up for what's his. Because in the world of Rocky, anybody who keeps their mouth shut because they'd rather not have to listen to the pile of bullshit that runs out of his mouth is a sign that you're a major pussy.

True story: Rocky is the only Survivor I've had the pleasure of talking to on the phone and I'm pleased to inform you he's just as big a douche as he was on the show.


Parvati Shallow (Cook Islands, Fans vs Favorites, Heroes vs Villains)

Yeah, yeah. I'm fully aware the amount of disagreement I'm gonna get on this one, but I'm a huge hater of arguably the most popular female there is on Survivor.

My theory is people are so happy to finally have a female Survivor player who knows how to play the game as ruthlessly and as good as all the men the show keeps pimpin out. We have BRob, Ozzy, Coach, Phillip, Russell, Hatch and Rupert as big Survivor personalities. Before Parvati came, the best edit a female got was the Stephanie Lagrossa route (and she fucked that up in Guatemala).  Parvati proved in FvF and confirmed in HvV that she is more than just a pretty face and fans ate her up. A strong, smart woman who didn't get the 'mom, weak, cute little girl' edit, but a Survivor player edit.

And I'm not against that. I love women who can prove they have the chops to go toe-to-toe against the Ozzy's and the Rupert's. No, my main issue with Parvati is while she has the mind of a player, she still has the personality of a dumb, sorority girl.  She plays the flirtation card way too hard, she's been labeled as lazy in at least two of her three seasons, she talks as if she's playing a dumb bimbo role in a Seth MacFarlane show, and (prior to popular belief) she's not the best speaker at TCs (biggest example come from her answers at Candice's boot episode in CI and her FTC in FvF).

I'm sure there are a lot of people who will say that it's only a role she plays in order to seem nonthreatening in the game and that very well may be true, but I also think there is a lot of her real personality in these moments and it doesn't make it any less annoying for me.


Jenna Morasca (Amazon, All Stars)

I just want to be clear, I love Jenna. I've seen her in several interviews throughout her former relationship with Ethan and the girl as grown into a mature, funny, amazing young woman. But by my rules, this is not a ranking on how I like Survivor based on where they are in life now. This is strictly what was seen on the show and during that time, Jenna was no sunflower.

I don't know what else I can say about Jenna that wasn't already covered in her winners ranking writeup. Jenna had a very poor personality and it showed in her poor gameplay when she shunned out all the people she didn't like and treated them as her own personal doormat. She blabbed to rocket scientist Dave about her entire tribe and where they stood in her head (even saying to him 'gee I probably shouldn't be telling you this stuff, buuuuuuuuut daw well. *shoves food into face*). And the icing on the cake? Complaining that life was soooooo hard because she was just so gosh darn beautiful as she sat next to a deaf woman who she despised. Classy....


Terry Deitz (Exile Island, Second Chance)

Terry possesses one of the worst qualities in a human being and that is he thinks he is just the most damned awesome person on the whole planet.

I'm not saying it's a self-confidence thing or taking pride in your work. I'm saying Terry's head is so far up his own ass, he will shake his head in disappointment at you for not taking him to the end to aid him win a million dollars as he said to Danielle. He thinks he's so Star Spangled Awesome, that if you call him an unfair name or label, let's just say....oh....a womanizer....he thinks the best punishment there is for you is to ask for an apology or he will cut all relationship ties to you completely cuz what's worse than having a person of his caliber removed from you life, right?

And the irony is this guy sucks as a Survivor player. How badly? He can't even win when he has the infamous 'overpowered idol' because he doesn't know how to use it. Instead of using it as a way to help his comrades, Terry decided to hoard the thing to himself and use it as a tool to aggressively jump down the throats of the Casaya alliance. As Cirie correctly pointed out, he was a man who could offer nothing, yet spoke to you as if he had everything. Cuz don't forget.....AWESOME!!

In Second Chance, I got the same exact vibe.

Lex van den Berghe (Africa, All Stars)

I remember how much I used to love Lex when I first watched him in Africa. But I also used to love Cinnamon Toast Crunch and then I grew up and found that crap disgusting. Point is, I now know a sore loser when I see one and Lex is nothing but if only the top sore loser out of the entire Survivor roster with maybe the exception of Russell Hantz.

Allow me to recap the story: in AllStars Lex had a key opportunity to take out Amber, an ex-member of the opponent tribe and was an easy target for his tribe to take out and even the numbers at merge for the two teams. But Lex thought 'naw, that's too easy. I'll exploit my outside friendship with Boston Rob to my advantage, spare Amber, and then Boston Rob will owe me and stand aside to watch me win the game.'

That's right everyone. Lex mixes personal relationships with his strategy which is as dangerous as mixing alcohol with rape. So of course we can imagine how personal Lex took it when Rob said 'I lied. Gonna go win this game we're all playing now...' After being voted out, Lex relished every minute of ripping Rob a new one in his jury speech because Lex can't admit when he fucked up.

You can see this same level of 'I feel so betrayed' bullshit from Lex when he approaches Tom in Africa. Teresa throws Tom under the bus in a last ditch effort to save herself and Lex gets on his high horse over it. And do I really need to go into why 'following your gut' as opposed to common sense is a bad idea?

Bottom line: Lex is a terrible Survivor player and what's worse, he has zero idea how to separate personal feelings with the game itself.

Candice Woodstock/Cody (Cook Islands, Heroes vs Villains, Blood vs Water)

Candice has been on the show three seasons and all three times she's done something that made me roll my eyes at her sheer stupidity.

And it's not like it had to be that way. I loved Candice when I first saw her on Cook Islands. She was a fierce competitor and seemed to have a solid head on her shoulders. But the latter soon was thrown out the window when she foolishly mutinied and was sucking Adams face. But none of that compared to her super shitty jury question when she asked a question to Yul that was purposefully designed to make him look like either a) a liar or b) a scumbag just because she's so insecure she needed to feel smarter then him for a brief moment. Yay for jury power abuse.

Her IQ apparently didn't go any higher when she foolishly jumped from her Heroes team (who'd she blow to get on that tribe?) into the awaiting arms of Russell Hantz despite Sandra spelling out for her why it was a bad move. And then in Blood vs Water she got all 'you mess with my man, you mess with me' which is an attitude that only annoys and pisses off everyone else.

Katie Gallagher (Palau)

I hear a lot of criticism thrown Tom's way for his bullying on Ian and how he's the ugliest piece of scum there is in Palau, but I think Katie's behavior toward Ian was much worse.

In case I'm unclear, Katie decided to leave her old alliance of Ian and Tom for Gregg and Jenn. At a reward challenge, Ian and Tom's suspicions became confirmed when Katie knocked out Ian over Gregg (arms behind her back, batting her eyelashes and saying to Ian 'would you hate me' in that cutesy voice women do to get their way without looking like the bad guy). In a last ditch effort to save themselves, Tom and Ian joined up with Caryn and told Katie the vote was for Caryn. At the last second, Ian informed Katie that the vote was really for Gregg and unless Katie wanted to risk going home on a rock draw, she should switch her vote to Gregg which she begrudgingly did.

Then at another challenge, Ian picked Tom over Katie for a dinner and Katie handled it the only way Katie knew how: pouting, giving Ian the cold shoulder, and making Ian feel like he was the piece of crap for going back on his promise to her when she was the one who was planning on betraying him. Even going so far as to sob because she was just sooooooo hurt by the way he handled himself.

She got even worse when she brought up how pissed she was at Ian for his last minute move to take out Gregg at a TC. When Probst pressed Ian on it, Ian replied 'what benefit does it serve me to tell Katie earlier or later' to which Katie responded 'because then I have more time to think if I want to go with Gregg and Jenn or not.' Yeah that's right, this whole pissy attitude she had towards Ian was over the fact that he did not give her more time to think about screwing him over.

There's the other stuff like whining that Tom is being mean to her and loving how easy the game is for her when she did near nothing to earn any of it, but this is the key moment that makes Katie my most disliked Palau member.

Jenna Lewis (Borneo, All Stars)

You know, I'm sure I could make some sort of joke that thanks whatever dude was in Jenna's....'special' video for putting something in her mouth that would prevent us from having to listen to her speak more, but it's just too easy.

Yes, Jenna is my most disliked Survivor original. I didn't like her in Borneo and I sure as shit didn't like her in All-Stars. In fact, she was one of only two castaways in season 8 that I believe didn't offer any sort of All Star purpose. She wasn't a strong strategist or competitor like Rob C or Tina, she wasn't exactly super popular like Colby or Big Tom, and she wasn't memorable like Jerri or Richard (in fact, I believe I read that Jenna was actually a backup and was flown out when Colleen turned down the offer, which made much more sense, but did it have to be from Borneo?).

Jenna's main problem is her annoying personality. She has a mouth that can go a mile a minute (insert easy 'leaked sex video' joke here), a voice that makes her sound like a 45 year old chain smoker, and a bitchy attitude. She bitched about Shii Ann being too annoying (the irony), she bitched about Elisabeth crying too much, and bitched that winners have no right to be playing Survivor for a second time which takes the cake in terms of awful reasoning to want to vote a person out.


Ghandia Johnson (Thailand)

Like Robb, Ghandia is an example on why being an invisible, boring personality is sometimes better than being memorable.

We all know the moment I'm talking about. Ghandia felt violated by her teammate Ted and just exploded. Let me be clear on something: I don't buy Ted's story. I don't buy that in some half-asleep state, Ted used Ghandia as a horizontal stripper pole thinking it was his wife. But regardless of if Ted is telling the truth or not, Ghandia didn't exactly handle it full of class herself. Instead of working it out between her and Ted and/or after the game was over, she decided to use it as a way to boot Ted off, skewing her story to make Ted look worse then he did in the incident. Then when she got wind that Ted denied the thing entirely to others (which to be fair, was something he shouldn't of done) she decided to bring her entire team and two bystanders into an awkward situation that involved her throwing a fit that would've made Brandon Hantz bow his head in embarrassment for being associated with her. Some may have seen an emotional woman who's feelings boiled over, but I just saw....well....Clay summed it up best, I think.

And it isn't just that particular moment. Ghandia also displayed some bad personality traits as well. She just seemed like someone so eager to be awesome at anything she could so she jumped out of the boat in the first immunity challenge, botched up the puzzle, and solely lost the challenge for her team. And not in a admirable way. Especially after the way she sobbed back to her beach yelling angrily 'those lucky bastards (which, if you're referring to the fact that Sook Jai decided not to pick you on their team, then yeah. I suppose they were lucky)! She wasn't someone I wanted to see a lot of and I was very happy to see her go.

Robb Zbacnik (Thailand)

It's ironic cause Robb was probably the biggest personality in a season season filled with borewhores.

You know those types of dumb, punk kids we all get annoyed with. You know, they probably smoked when they were 12, wear pants that are 4 sizes too large for them, talk way too loud and aggressively to cops, teachers, parents, and other authoritative figure, can't keep a job for more then a few weeks cause they don't go when they don't feel like it, and are just a total waste in human society? Well that's what I think when I look at Robb. Just a punk moron who tries way too hard to be relevant in things he has no idea about. Like Survivor or choking people.

Oh but there's more underneath his thick skin everyone. Robb is totally deep and meaningful. Just look at his pitiful moment in his boot episode where he sobbed about how important loved ones were and how much he just missed his father. I mean, I get it was supposed to be a moving moment, but it just reaked of sappy, over-the-top, pathetic, awkward, 'I'm-totally-not-just-a-loud-less-popular-Fairplay'-ness. If he didn't suck so bad, I may have bought it, but he did.

Lisi Linares (Fiji)

We've had plenty of awful jurors in Survivor and Fiji wasn't in any short supply. but in my opinion, Lisi holds the title for worst juror in the history of the show. It's not just that she's a sore loser or she's bitter or she used her juror power as an excuse to make wild, wrong accusations only to instantly snap at the person for making an attempt to defend themselves. No Lisi goes beyond that. Lisi will take her juror authority and use it to try and make an uneducated person look stupid on TV.

We all know what I'm talking about. Her 'how many zero's are in a million' question. That has got to be the most trashiest thing a juror has done. Worse then Alex, worse then Lex, worse then....anyone really. Somebody she didn't like beat her and instead of accepting it, Lisi decided to try and humiliate him because she sucks as a human being.

It doesn't help her case that the nutcase is also fuckin annoying. 'I'm so pissed to be going to Exile. I want to quit. I want to stay. I like you guys. I hate you guys.' She was so indecisive I'm not entirely convinced there's no unused footage of her throwing away voting parchment from changing her mind so much.


'Johnny Fairplay' Dalton (Pearl Islands, Fans vs Favorites)

You know it really blows my mind how many people consider Fairplay an awesome Survivor character. He's not. He's just a loud, obnoxious kid just begging to still be relevant. Remember his comment about finding the bottle in the water with a message saying his grandmother died before giving off that douchey laugh of his? Yeah that's right. 9 seasons later and Fairplay is still trying to remind us of the one thing we remember him for because what else does this idiot have?

Does it really need to be said? Fairplay sucks. He's annoying, loud, has a terrible personality, dumb, and has no spine. He's the prime example of that moron you meet at a party that mentions 'oh yeah and I'm a father' and you're immediate thought is 'oh God, that poor thing....' As Probst said, he's not just a failure in the game but he's a failure at life and it's never more evident then when he's on a Survivor show trying to act like he knows what he's talking about. Fuck this guy for taking up a perfectly good slot in season 16.


Alex Angarita (Fiji)

Yet another example of someone who should not be given any sort of authoritative power as he would abuse the shit out of it. Lisi might be the worse juror of all time, but Alex comes in close second.

And it's such a shame because up until his jury speech, I really liked Alex. His biggest offense was aligning himself with people I disliked much more then the people they were going up against. But he seemed like a decent enough person

Which is why I was so surprised when he went absolutely apeshit on Cassandra out of nowhere. I don't know if Alex figured he should do something he considered was awesome because he's a lawyer, but he just ended up looking like a total prick because of it. His accusation that Cassandra simply used Stacy to her benefit until she didn't need her anymore was so illogical it was like watching an episode of Nancy Grace. Just making up wild accusations all over the place and waiting to see what would stick. And instead of listening to her defense, Alex took his senseless attitude a step further and basically did everything in his verbal power to make sure no one had any idea what she was saying.

"You are mistaken! It doesn't matter! I have all the information! You don't get to speak!"

And then he says 'maybe if I said it in Spanish! Edgardo, would you like to translate?!?!?!' which wasn't just stupid, but made no fucking sense. The entire scene made so little sense I'm not entirely sure there wasn't something we didn't get to see off camera. But given the way Alex was, the way Cassandra was, and how little Stacy seemed to care about whatever awful thing Cassandra did to her, I'm willing to bet this was just Alex using his final on camera moments to try and look like some sort of wicked, badass lawyer but just ended up being another Rocky. It might have been Alex's one true 'ugly' moment, but it's so bad he jumps straight to the bottom of the pile.