Stephanie Valencina (Redemption Island)

Stephanie had probably the most laziest Survivor strategy I've ever seen. Be the girl Russell wants to take to the end AKA copy Natalie White and Parvati Shallow. Okay this plan may of worked if the world had a chance to breathe the Russell free air for more then one season, but the stench of Russells career was still strong enough to remind most people that Russell is a piece of shit. So associating with him turned out to be game suicide for Steph.

Instead of making the obvious correct decision of distancing herself away from Russell, forming bonds, and awaiting cracks to form in the majority group, Steph took the complete opposite approach and shouted down anyone who understandably despised Russell being around for a third season and made it her duty to be top bitch in camp to the point her tribemates were practically running to write her name down.



Amber Brkich (Australia, All Stars)

As I stated in my Jenna Lewis piece, Jenna was one of two people who I could not understnad got on the Survivor All Star roster from any angle. Wanna know who was number 2?

As much as we love the Australian season cast, was Amber in anyone's top 5 during its airing? Hell, top 8? The most memorable thing about her was being the only person who seemed to like Jerri. And then she had the fortune of Elizabeth Hassleback being so successful and likable, she as too busy to go back for a second season so they had to resort to the backups. Thank God for being cute.

No matter how you spin it, Amber is only remembered for having a relationship with players who are more popular than her. In both seasons, she wasn't strategic, she wasn't liked, she wasn't hated, she had no memorable personality traits, she had no character arc of any kind. She was just Jerri's ally or Rob's girlfriend. Like a pet fish, Amber wasn't interesting but was there because it's better than being alone. What's there to like about that? Maybe if she could've given a well thought out, intelligent argument at her FTC that this was her plan all along, I could give her more credit, Instead, we saw her flop hard at even the easiest of questions

Alicia: Describe in one word how you played this game.  

Amber: ....with luck.

Tom: Why should I vote for you and not Rob?
Amber: Um....I'm just gonna be....honest....

Tom: Well I appreciate that.

 And her jury still hated Rob enough to give a good player the middle finger than an awful player a million dollars. Not that that's her fault or anything, but I can't giver her credit when all she did was be hot enough for Rob to wanna make out with her.

Matt Quinlan (One World)

A less annoying version of Shannon Elkins.

'The rooster' here falls in the category of the douche who just thinks way too highly of himself. Matt loved to sit in the jungle and talk to the camera about how he's just way ahead of everyone else in terms of mental intelligence and him and his team of muscles are the superior tribe. Fortunately for us, CBS made sure to give us all of his worst moments as a setup for his early demise when he was kicked off third and gave use one of the very, very few likable moments of this season.


Burton Roberts (Pearl Islands)

The first person in Survivor to be voted out of the game twice. First by being seen as a unlikable twat who loved to make fun of the much more likable Rupert. His fan club alliance didn't appreciate his behavior, So they gave him the boot early.

That could've been where it ended for Burton, but a surprise Outcast twist gave him another shot and the guy is a great ass kisser. He charmed the group into voting himself back in the game and allied himself with the guy more unlikable than him, Fairplay. None of this doesn't sound too bad until you bring in the fact that after Lillian discovered that Burton's lil speech about looking out for his fellow outcast til the end was a load of crap and she wisely took him out. Afterwards, Burton spent his postgame life shaming Lillian for having the audacity to go back on her word and not allowing him to betray her first. Prick.

Kat Edorssan (One World, Blood vs Water)

I mentioned earlier that One World had very few moments I particularly enjoyed. But there was one single highlight that I fondly remember and that was the Kat blindside.

Some people think Kat was quirky, cute, adorable, and fun. And I agree with that if you replace the words with annoying, obnoxious, stupid, and immature. Kat was on the younger side of the majority female alliance, not that you wouldn't be able to tell as she had the maturity of a 6 year old (farting on another person? Is this an episode of Family Guy?) When she wasn't blowing it for her team in challenges, she was running her mouth about how how annoying anyone not in her cool clique was cuz all of Kats social skills were acquired in high school.

Fitting end to her though. As a way to teach her a life lesson, her own alliance voted her out moments before she blabbed about how awesome it was to see the expressions of the losers and whining that people were criticizing her too much.

In Blood vs Water, we got an even more pathetic version of her when she attempted to puppy-dog eye her way back into the game by guilting her boyfriend to give up his spot for her. Luckily, Hayden saved us seeing more of her by saying no and she was forced to duel and lose.


Shirin Oskooi (Worlds Apart, Second Chance)

Shirin is the only person I know who has such an awful personality, she managed to fall from a good position to a horrible one....twice.

In her first season, her non-filtered mouth rubbed all but one of her white-collared allies Max and the two spent hours upon hours giggling away about hot awesome and strategic they were being when literally 3 feet away, the whole group is talking about getting rid of them. And while I certainly don't agree with the way Will treated her, I can certainly see why some would say she loves using the victim card. Whenever it came down to her incident between her and Will (which only got started cuz she personally insulted him), she milked the moment by dramatically overstating things several times. Specifically her reasoning for denying him a love letter, her jury speech, and at the reunion.

She got a second chance the next season and got to show the world she learned fuck-all and got herself screwed up again. Her new bff this time was 'Christ-what's-she-pissed-at-me-now-shit-she's-changing-her-mind-again' Abi. Instead of walking away from the shit talk Peih-Gee was starting about Abi, she just added fuel to the fire to the point of hurting Abi's feelings. Despite getting enough people to pity her into giving her another shot, Shirin blew her second chance badly. Probably the worst.





Krista Klumpp (Redemption Island)

Stephenie's partner in crime.

Girls a bitch. Plain and simple. She was invisible 85% of her time on the show and the remaining 15% was just her being as unlikable as she could.

Cindy Hall
Natalie Tenerelli
Abi-Maria Gomes (Philippines, Second Chance)
Lindsey Cascadden
Christa Hatie

Not that she was ranked really high to begin with, but yeah. Abi's second season caused her to drop a couple notches in the ranks.

I can understand the beauty of having someone to hate on our TV screens and how fun it can be and the drama they cause, but c'mon people? Abi? Over Teresa, Mikayla, and Carolyn? She's not even a fun person to hate, she's awful to watch. In Philippines, when people weren't mocking her for her dim, shortsightedness attitude, they were rubbing their sinuses in an attempt to ease the pounding headache her loud mouth was causing them. She was mean, repulsive, rude, and and childish in all the worst ways. And after Denise spelled out for her why she's a difficult mouth to deal with (in tiny, easy to understand words as to not trigger the fragile glass house that was Miss Gomes), Abi huffed and pouted, not able to understand how being a complete bitch wasn't getting her many friends and instead took that confusion out on Denise in her bitchy final juror moment.

In Second Chances, more of the same. After a whole 15 minutes of trying to turn a new leaf, Abi jumped ship first chance she got and jumped down the throat of Peih-Gee cause Abi doesn't know how to take care of her fuckin stuff. Once again, her poor attitude turned a lot of people off and she once again pouted about how mean everyone was to her. You almost could've felt sorry for her if she had a shred of humbleness within her. But when she stumbled juicy-ass backwards into being a number in many peoples grand plan, her confidence caused her to stoop to a new level of low. Giggling like a immature, 2nd grader as she called Stephen "Mr. Poopypants," cooing condescendingly at Varners attempts to have a talk with her, and....ugh...look nobody deserved to be mocked on his way out of the game more then Savage did, but at the end of the day, it's still rubbing salt in the wounds of someone who just failed at something that meant a lot to them. And that's never cool.

All-in-all, I am not a fan of Abi. She's not a good villain I love to hate. She's just a waste of Second Chance space that I just hate, 'crazy moments' be damned.

So raising a glass in honor of tonight as she just lost her second chance. Cheers.

Sean Rector (Marquesas)

The best way to sum up the personality of Sean is one annoying bastard...

There are many things that weren't likable about Sean on the show. He wasn't much of a team player around camp with his lazy attitude and yet he always seemed to muster enough energy to get his mouth running quickly and loudly. I also think Sean has the honor of being Boston Robs first pawn in his entire Survivor career, so...I kinda feel this guy is partially responsible for why we got that stupid Rob vs Russell twist later on down the road. He's a shameless mooch with his giggily plea to Vecepia to please share her hard-earned winnings with him with what I can only assume was his idea of an adorable face. And perhaps worst of all, this guy is a hard chugger of the Al Sharpton kool-aid...

I don't want to get into the whole 'race rant' again cuz I already did that back with Phillip, but yeah. Sean loves to bring up race within practically anything he can. He gets to rant, kick, cry, yell and behave any way he wants because if anyone has the gull to call him out on his crap, he can shield behind the 'it's cuz I'm black' excuse and go back to being a dumbass.

And does anyone else find it weird that this school teacher made fun of Hunter when he was showing smarts with his weather knowledge? Hey Sean, if one of your students excels in class, do you call him a nerd and shove him in the locker?


RC Saint-Amour (Philippines)

I'm more of a Pepsi guy really...

Okay seriously, I was on team RC for a long time. She had a bubble-y personality, a pretty smile, and a rockin bod. But more importantly, she also seemed to have a decent head on her shoulders when she tried to find a right-hand lady to align with. Unfortunately, RC could not of landed herself a worse ally when she picked the stable-as-a-tower-of-toothpicks Abi. Now that's not something I really fault RC for. From the moment these players hit the beach, they are reaching for the nearest pair of listening ears to team up with and with so little information on her tribemates in so little an amount of time, avoiding the season psycho can be harder then it looks. And it was all I could take from throwing a rock through my TV watching Abi and Peter be total shit stains to her after they managed to beat her,

But that was prevoted out RC. Post-voted out RC was a total different flavor...which was grape....bitter grape.

My point is, nearly everything that came out of RC's mouth after she got voted out was nothing but bitter, petty, sore loser bitching, moaning, and whining. And not in the usual 'I'm-pissy-cuz-they-beat-me' way most Survivors do. Nearly everything out of RCs mouth after her vote out was either about how incredibly stupid everyone was for voting her out or how she knew exactly that [insert name here] was gonna get voted out if they gave her the boot. It's funny how easily "smart gameplay" coincides with "further my game" in RCs puny brain.

And even her jury mouth wouldn't of been so bad, but RC couldn't resist blabbing one final time about how incredibly stupid Pete was at the fucking reunion. I mean, I thought Abi was a crazy person, but to hold that large of grudge over a game that ended months ago is simply asinine.



'Troyzan' Robertson (One World)

A 40 year old man who calls himself 'Troyzan'...That sums up the type of person Troyzan is pretty well. He's not a very likable guy.

For a man clearly eager for our attention, Troyzan was surprisingly invisible throughout most of One Worlds premerge and it was the point in time when I liked him best. Then came the tribe shuffle twist which allowed Troyzan to form an alliance with Kim. Too bad for him since Kim used him as a backup plan until he could be disposed of.

But Troyzan wasn't gonna go quietly by which I mean he sure made a lot of noise before taking his loser walk. Having won a whole immunity challenge, Troyzan took the opportunity to be a cocky ass about it when he coined his phrase 'THIS IS MY ISLAND' for the whole TV crew to hear. This only made him look like even more of a dumbass when he couldn't make it past the first section of the next immunity challenge and was inevitably voted out as a result. Not wanting to end on a good note, Troyzan took his dicketry to the next level when he quizzed Kim on a question in which he was seeking a specific answer. While Kim answered the questions 100% correctly, it wasn't the answer Troyzan wanted so he middle-fingered her by not voting for her obvious superior gameplay.

Troyzan, there's a reason you didn't get voted back onto Second Chances. Not many people want you using up a perfectly good spot.



Andrew Savage (Pearl Islands, Second Chance)

Yup, Savage managed to move up the ranks....by a whole 3 slots. And only because I love old school players adapting to the new school strategizing.

But old school or new school. Savage is a real dick. With his hushed, smooth way of speaking, he comes across as a sleazy James Bond villain that makes you crave a shower. In Pearl Islands, he was elected the appointed leader of the Morgan tribe (one of the worst tribes in the history of the show) where he made the horrible decision of making Osten (remember him! The quitter!) the MVP of the group because muscles. He also had a bullying mental state of shunning out the weak in order to make room for more awesome with his horrible treatment on Skinny Ryan and Lillian. His decisions bit him in the ass when Lillian returned to the game and understandably gave into the temptation of giving this smug douche a kick in the ass out the door. A scout leader voted for Savage out of revenge. That's how awful he is.

Not that Savage would be willing to accept that as he moaned at the reunion show about how Lillian is a piece of crap for betraying her character and she should be ashamed of herself for not giving him what he wanted and boo hoo hooooooo.

In Second Chances, more of the same. Not surprisingly, Andrew's first move was to align with people with the largest biceps and target the manipulative, awkward dorky kid. Part of what makes that TC we all are gonna remember for a long time is because it happened to Savage. And nobody had a problem seeing that kind of blindside happen to Savage.

Note: this entry has the potential to change soon with Andrew's jury and reunion moment. Just didn't feel like waiting til the season finale to post his entry.

Zane Knight (Philippines)

Zane Knight is what Russell Hantz would be if his parents were cousins.

Frankenstein tattoos aside, Zane doesn't make good decisions. Mainly that he attempted to create a partnership with everyone on his very small tribe of 6. After one measly conversation with one another, the tribe easily figured out out about his loose lips and came to an easy decision to give him the boot. There really wasn't too many moments from Zane that I felt anything other than extreme annoyance for which makes it easy to drop him near the bottom of the pile. Thank goodness he went first (which he blames the demise of Matsing for. Arrogant prick).



Sierra Reed (Tocantins)

My main issue with Sierra is she's just so pitiful.

Her story arc goes as thus: she was the unlucky choice as her tribes first pick to boot off the team which she whined wasn't her fault since she was sick. When it was revealed she was still in the game, Brendan scooped her up as an easy ally for himself since Sierra being a friend-less loser was as plain as the nose on my face. Sierra, having no other options, was all on board for a F2 scenario that involved no work from her. Then, in another stroke of good luck, Taj and Brendan struck up an idea to create a cross-team alliance that would benefit them at merge and Sierra benefited by association.

Then things started to go downhill. Brendan got the boot and Sierra was forced to play the game on her own. Her attempt to play the game was....sad. She went the Nazi route and said that she was just following orders (which they easily believed cuz c'mon, Sierra making strategic decisions?) and put her last ditch effort into staying: making people feel sorry for her. Spoiler alert: it didn't work.

Cindy Hall (Guatemala)

Another bonehead within that awful majority alliance that took place in Guatemala is the zookeeper Cindy. On top of Judd's personality, Jamie's intensity, and Stephenie's  self-love we also had the whiny Cindy.

She started out nice enough when she was pretty invisible at the beginning of the season. But through all the tribe shuffles, she finally landed herself on a team with Judd, Jamie, Stephenie, and Rafe. And then she became...like them. Like Jamie, she made herself pretty vocal about how she didn't want to eat and have fun with the other team for Danni's birthday with her strong argument of 'it's stupid.' She also got very whiny about how she got left out of the loop with the Judd blindside despite them explaining calmly they felt she wouldn't want to go through with it (and if Cindy can't see why they'd think that, she's not a very bright Survivor player).

Lastly, she's also the player to fall prey to the one and only 'accept the car or become Oprah Winfrey' twist. Now I don't blame Cindy for having the thought of looking out for her best interests and taking the car for herself (you can argue all day about the better strategic play on that twist and I don't think there's really a right or wrong answer), but she sure as hell didn't mind bringing it up when she could. Hell they were her final words to her tribemates when she was voted out which was a stupid and unnecessary jab. The only only likable thing I can remember about Cindy was her random animal knowledge that comes with being a zookeeper.



Erik Reichenbach (Fans vs Favorites, Caramoan)

Part of the reason I hate Fans vs Favorites so much was the awful strategy so many of the ...ahem...fans had and making the job of the veterans much more easier than it should've been (but fans only care if it's with BRob). I made a writeup about how I think Joel is the worst, but Erik sure as shit tried his damnedest to not be outdone in poor strategic choices. As of season 30, Erik still ranks number one in my mental list of 'dumbest Survivor plays' with that immunity necklace giveaway and all because some pretty ladies batted their eyelashes and said 'pweety pweese?' I didn't find any of his moments to be particuary interesting or endearing either. Oh wow, he's enamored with Ozzy? So what, every chick was with Parvati that season so who gives a Goddamn? Licking frosting off of Cirie's fingers? That was supposed to be really funny?

As for Caramoan, what's there to say? He was an invisible glider within a majority alliance until final 5 where he ran out of energy, got evacuated out, all before the intro to the finale could run. Now maybe there was more to Erik that season that just didn't make the final cut, but what am I supposed to do? Give credit for something I'm not sure happened?




Next person on this list is the Pearl Islander Andrew Savage, but since he's scheduled to show off his second shot of the game this upcoming Wednesday at the Second Chances season premiere,  I'll give him a fair shot to change within my rankings. You live Savage....for now.

Natalie Tenerelli (Redemption Island)

Natalie isn't a shitty person. But she is one of the many people at fault for sitting with a thumb up her keester and do dick-all to prevent Boston Rob from winning a million dollars. However, Natalie decided to one up the rest of the clueless Ometepe bunch by actually listening to the advice of BRob that she was better off voting out her one friend and ally. It was her only move in the entire season and it was the only move that lost her any halfway decent shot at beating Rob. That and a very cruddy FTC that revealed she was more likable being an invisible then a player.

Vince Sly (Worlds Apart)

Ahahahahaha!!!

Okay, okay. Now I know this blog usually ranks people who I believe are low in character and Vince is among those people, don't get me wrong. But I'll be damned if I didn't have fun at his expense and it was one of my favorite moments in the season.

Before becoming similar to characters in Silence in the Lambs, Vince was a pretty douch-y hippy. He loved talking about what an amazing person he was and he had such a great spirit and great mind and he super really connected with his tribemate, Jenn, who just so happened to be the young, attractive, free-loving hippy. And then Jenn became much more enthralled with the much nicer, cooler alpha male Joe and poor Vince just couldn't have that.

And then....ugh...the scene he's in when he confronts Jenn made me legit scared for her to be camping with this loon. First he interrogates her on whether the girl is ATTRACTED to Joe cuz there's nothing wrong with bringing something like that up out of the blue. And then his face! When she makes him feel secure again, he wraps her in a hug and makes a face that would cause a girl to instinctively wrap their fingers around the pepper spray ASAP. It would've made for a really uncomfortable scenario if Jenn didn't totally have such a 'ugh, I deal with weirdos like this on a daily basis it's whatever' attitude about it and vote his ass far away from her as possible the first chance she got. It made a great moment in the season, so Vince gets a little higher on the shit pile of the awful people this season. But still in the shit pile nonetheless.




Whitney Duncan (South Pacific)

While she wasn't the most hated person on the season Whitney was one of the biggest disappointments I've ever had in a Survivor cast.

No one even pretended to be surprised when a member of Russell Hantz's family turned out to be just as unstable as he was, but Whitney was someone I was instantly drawn too. She was from Nashville, Tennessee (one of my favorite places) and a country singer, which I thought was very cool. At a time right after Redemption Island vomited onto our screen and the season was following it's awful 'veteran within a season of noobies' trend, she seemed to be a bright spot in the cast reveal.

Ironically, Whitney turned out to be one of the few South Pacific cast members I can't stand. She ended up being a lapdog for the douche alpha male and barely had any personality beyond that. And no, you can't even give her the 'she was using Keith for her own personal gain' card, unless that 'personal gain' is giving him access to her crotch area. Yes ladies and gentlemen, Whitney fucked (or at least had a relationship with) some tool on TV. Which wouldn't be so bad if she wasn't already married before she left to the island. Oh, and knowing full well that she's doing this, she has the BIGGEST cajones to berate Cochran for BETRAYAL of all things. What a horrid piece of awful.

And no, I don't include her loose marriage promises involved with my low ranking of her. Even without that knowledge, she still comes off as a pathetic whiner at best and a sore loser at worst.



Christa Hastie (Pearl Islands)

Christa had the voice of someone who sounded as though they were trying to talk without breathing out their nose. It was extremely annoying.

No really, that's like almost the entire reason I dislike Christa so much. That's not to say she didn't have an unlikable personality on top of it, but her agonizing voice just made me grow so much more disdain for her. I know that statement may be controversial, but I don't know where this 'good girl cutie blond' version of her is coming from with her fans cuz she was awful. The best example being with Christa asking Lillian a jury question in a matter that made it clear she clearly disliked Lillian and was going to vote for her close friend Sandra which Lillian would've understood anyway. But no, Christa had to be a piece of crap about it and scoff at her answer in a condescending way, but we all know Lillian couldn't win for losing with this sour grape.



Lindsey Cascaddan (Worlds Apart)

What? We're already back in Worlds Apart?

You see that thing on Lindsey's face? That's an actual tattoo. I'm not kidding. This girl actually chose of her own free will to walk into a tattoo parlor and say out loud 'I want to get a permanent, colorful mark on my face.' I assume she paid for it with real money. And while physical appearance has little to nothing to do with being a likable Survivor cast member, her inner beauty also matched her outer beauty in demonstrating her awful decisions.

I don't get what it is with people who feel they have to needlessly bark loudly about their religious and political views. The moment I'm speaking about was Lindsey bickering with Mike after he questioned her on her work ethic and her argument against him consisted of 'you think this fire got here because YOUR God put it there?'

To be clear, I don't have an issue with Lindsey being an atheist. But I don't like it when Jehovah witnesses knock on my door and get mad at me when I don't know the answer to their Bible trivia and I don't like it when someone points out to someone who wasn't asking about it that 'you are incorrect and YOU believe in God and I don't!' It just rubbed me the wrong way.

But don't worry, Lindsey sucks for other reasons. Mainly her loose mouth which she used to ramble at her only TC (think someone saying "ONE OF US IN THIS GROUP WILL WIN THE MONEY PROBST. WHETHER I'M VOTED OUT OR HE'S VOTED OUT. I FEEL VERY PASSIONATE ABOUT THIS" only 50 words longer). She's also dumb enough to think there is purpose in arguing with Rodney who has the intelligence of a potato and the maturity of steroid using preschooler with low self-esteem so who the fuck cares what he thinks on anything?

JP Calderon (Cook Islands)

Hey ladies. Good news: lots of pics of this guy in his underwear. Bad news: he's gay...

It's hard to not think of any memory of JP where he isn't being anything other than a total douche. In fact, that's kind of everything there ever was to JP as a character. First, he was in complete agreement with Ozzy's bonehead plan to lose a challenge on purpose to get rid of Billy. When Billy catches onto the plan, he talks about it at his doom TC where as it turns out, having your team want to rid of you so badly they lose a challenge on purpose kind of makes you feel like crap. True to his douchebag nature, JP scoffs at Billy saying he's trying way too hard to make himself a victim knowing full well Billy was going home. Like, what? You can't let a losing player speak his final thoughts?

Next, in a true fashion of justice, JP fucks himself over with his douche behavior. Feeling comfortable he won't be going anytime soon cuz muscles, JP takes a load off his feet by sitting on his ass and sniping comments that got on a lot of peoples nerves. Deciding to make an example out of him, many of the ladies on his tribe got rid of him despite the muscles he was advertising and he left with a dropped jaw.



Roger Sexton (Amazon)

Next up is the highly unlikable Roger from Amazon. There is a small part of me that sort of sympathizes with Roger. I'm sure living with a group of men several decades younger then you who would rather talk with their penises then their brains isn't easy. Then I remembered Rodger from Australia, Jake from Thailand, and Butch in the same season and remember they did it just fine and he goes back on my shit list.

Roger was just a cranky old guy who had a specific way on doing practically everything. If you had a different way on doing it, he had no problem telling you it was wrong in a way that made you feel he thought you were a dumbass. When Roger wasn't barking orders, he was barking his political views on gay marriage and gender equality. That went about as well as you might expect for him. Regardless of which side of alliances you were rooting for, I think everyone got just a little bit of glee when Roger received a landslide of votes he didn't even know he'd be getting.


Stacey Stillman (Borneo)

There really wasn't too much to Stacey other than she didn't like working a lot and that meant she didn't like bossy Rudy a lot which means she didn't really have a lot of moments that wasn't her snotting off about how disrespected she felt from mean, ol Rudy. It just made her come off as a lazy bitch. It didn't help her case that Sue chose not to go with the girl power strategy due to her lazy attitude as well. The only thing that separated her from Australian Jerri was Stacey's attitude was so bad they couldn't stomach keeping her over the million year old man for more than 9 days, thus she never got the negative popularity Jerri received.

....what's that? Her court case? Well, by my rule I don't factor it into her ranking, but honestly I think Stacey is just being a sore loser. I'm not sure how anyone can say they are so certain everyone had their minds made up until a producer somewhere interfered. But who knows? I could very well be wrong. Whatever the case, I don't find her to be a very likable person.



Val Collins (San Juan del Sur)

I'm sure there are many people out there who will be surprised that my least favorite SJDS cast member isn't the infamous John Rocker (more on him later), but Val turned out to be a huge disappointment. I thought for certain a cop who's been married to a fireman would come into Survivor with a strong competitive spirit and be able to hold her own in challenges.

Not only did she fail to do well physically in challenges, but she failed to play a good mental game as well. For whatever reason, Val decided to burn a bridge for a potential ally by lying to him about having idols she didn't have. You'd think being a cop, Val knew the common sense of if you're gonna threaten someone with an empty gun, you run the risk of them calling your bluff. If being a poor competitor wasn't enough, Val decided to also show she could be a mean bully when she attempted to make Baylor look like a liar and a fake by spewing stories about things Baylor did and said. The problem was Val was so unnecessarily nasty about it, she just came off as a sore loser lunatic who only wanted to get one last jab into making a young girl feel bad.

Alicia Calaway (Australia, All Stars)

Alas, another beloved player of mine who turned into an ugly bitter Betty on her 2nd play through.

How could you not love Alicia in Australia? Interestingly, she's one of the few women in Survivor history to be voted out for being a physically strong competitive threat to go along with her spunk and personality. She was a pretty solid player that was a nice addition to the amazing Australia cast. Unlike Jenna L, there was a lot of sense in asking Alicia back for another season.

Unfortunately, she was also a big addition to the biggest group of sore losers along with her leader Lex. Unlike Lex, who sounded as though he was trying to make an argument to a cause he believed in (stupid, petty, and wrong as it was), Alicia just came off as plain ol' pissy. And she turned into one more lady in my life to break my heart when the game show power of jury member fueled her flames as she aggressively berated Amber and Boston Rob in a rant that she must've practiced in a mirror at least a dozen times. Finally, she slammed the final nail in the 'suck' coffin when she cast her voted an spat a final, venomous 'fuck you' to Rob in a vote confession that sounded so rehearsed, it just threw her into a dimension of pathetic that she will never be able to recover from.

Jamie Newton (Guatemala)

The person who came closest to matching Judd's level of shit.

Jamie just wasn't a good person on the show. I first picked up on it when he voiced his dislike for Brianna by saying 'I like girls crazy and pretty. She's neither....' Huh. Sure your teammate on the outs of the group appreciated that one Jamie. Then there was the constant taunting like when he shrieked 'WHO'S SMILING NOW' to the losing team. So he's a pretty shit winner. More? Alright, what about the whining and bitching he did when the opposing team came over and nicely asked if they were interested in having a birthday party at their camp and relax for a day. Of course Jamie had to have a problem with this and whined about the enemy coming on their turf and it's stupid to go mingle with the enemy and typical douche-y shit. Is it any wonder Bobby Jon got all crazy-eyed at this turd? 

He also had a pretty weird idea of competing. Twice in the season, his team lost the match by a lot. Like it would take everyone a good couple of minutes to watch them get to the end. But Jamie, with some sort of competitive pride on the line, said 'no we're gonna finish! We're gonna finish' which caused his teammates to roll their eyes and mention the pointless-ness expending valuable energy to a challenge that was already over.

Shannon Elkins (Nicaragua)

What's up man-named-Shannon?

I'm sure going to the gym 6 hours a day and having a mother telling him how special he was made Shannon truly believe he was some sort of alpha male on his team cause he sure as hell did everything he could to show it off. But the only thing he had to show for it was a mouth that ran way too much. At first, there wasn't anything worth remembering him for. Typical 'Chase is watching her feelings cause she's a woman' crap.

Then the TC we know him for. Probst asks the usual 'hows it going so far Shannon' and Shannon just let loose. First he attempts to de-masculate Chase by calling Brenda his girlfriend, said he doesn't get any loyalty from 'home boy', and going the 15 year old route of calling Sash gay and the girls he's hooked up with are so much hotter then his. Alpha male bro...



Natalie Bolton (Fans vs Favorites)

A quick hypothetical: what if a group of men formed an alliance and began picking a group of ladies off one by one? In the process of doing so, the man alliance met up after every TC and laughed about how awesome they were because of how much more physically and mentally stronger they were then women. Saying 'if you can't beat them with these (points at bicep) then you can always beat them with these (points at head)." Seems kind of douche-y right? Now if you reverse the gender, you'd have the Black Widow alliance of Parvati, Cirie, Amanda, and Natalie. And everyone thought it was just sooooooooo awesome. -_-

I have no problem with women dominating in Survivor. Hell, I think overall they play the better game strategically and socially. However, I do have a problem with boasting about how incredibly smart and superior you are because you're gender is better then the other whether you be male or female.

So what does this have to do with Natalie? Well up until her alliance formed with Parvati, Amanda, and Cirie, Natalie had been pretty much invisible. Then she had a weird confessional out of the blue about how she's able to be more of herself because she's able to....backstab more.

Okay, so shes happy that she's more involved in the game. That's fine. But then she had all these odd sayings like how 'even though women are evil and manipulative, they totally are good people because we want people to have a good birthday which is why we're voting out James over Erik.' Um....what? You expect me to believe you're not voting for someone else because you're a considerate person in a vote where you have absolutely no stakes on the line? And you bring up the fact that it's a woman thing because...?

And now that she was getting more airtime, we were able to get a bigger grasp on her personality. And while I'm sure it was endearing for some, it came across as snobby and very unlikable for me. The best example I can think of is the chocolate cake item she got to share at an auction in which she turned around and barked 'okay Alexis, Cirie, do NOT hog the cake cuz I'm in a mood!' Ugh....

Lastly, there's the jury question: 'Hey Parvati. Lookin hot as hell today. So my question is how do you interpret how you play the game into the bedroom. Lolz.' Really Natalie? Why does being a jury member turn you into a frat guy trying to get laid? Weren't you on a team called 'fans'? Get her number after the show and quit being a pathetic star-struck mess and try being a fuckin Survivor player.

Mookie Lee (Fiji)

And the Fiji cast takes another hit.

The nicest thing I can say about Mookie is that he's a less douche-y version of Rocky. Rocky was 'super roid rage angry lunatic' douche while Mookie was more of your typical frat guy douche. But that didn't make him any less shitty.

And....that really sums up 85% of everything there was to Mookie. From mocking old man Yauman at the challenge to showboating his win against a struggling opponent in a gross food eating challenge to allying himself with people that are slightly less scummy then he was, there was nothing to root for in Mookie.


Daniel Lue (Amazon)

Huh. Hadn't realized up until now that I had two douche-y Asians in a row. That's kinda awkward.

Daniel is disliked for being a slighty less intense version of Mookie. But he was still a massive tool. His entire team pretty much summed him up as worthless in camp which made him a target early. And...ugh...look I can't say the Amazon season men made me proud of my gender but Daniel still managed to make himself stand out by acting incredibly embarrassing. Shaking the hands of all the hotties and awkwardly introducing yourself aside, he came off as pretty shitty when boasted about how full him and his team were from all the fish they were eating (I think he felt full from the bullshit personally) because he thought he was being 'hilarious' (cuz chicks love a guy who will kick them while they're down cuz it's funny)..

He was the 3rd one voted out for a reason.


Chet Welch (Fans vs Favorites)

Let me tell you all about the legacy of Survivor Chet Welch:

Huge, long time fan of the show Chet Welch  finally made his dream come true. He was on his favorite show ever, Survivor. But his luck in the game was a Survivor fan nightmare. He was in a 7-3 minority group at the start and his team wasn't doing very well against the skilled veterans in challenges. And it was even worse for Chet since he had the challenge performer of a blind amputee in a wheelchair with down syndrome. But Chet was blessed with the lucky breaks of all lucky breaks: he was put on a tribe with a crazy man called Joel. Despite the horrible disadvantage it put Joel in, Chet was able to survive two Tribal Councils even though he was put on the chopping block for sucking in the challenges (under the weak answer 'no, I think I did okay even though I clearly didn't.')

But a tribe switch left him with only one ally: Tracy and he was once again put in harms way. But luck struck Chet yet again when a blindside began taking place that would ally veterans with noobs, take out a key power player, and give Chet a whole new breath of fresh life in the game long term. So how did this fan react? How did he take this second miracle that would help him in the game and also make this season a million times better?

He quit.

Yup. Turns out sucking in the game of Survivor really was hard on Chet. He was hungry, tired, miserable, and wanted to go home. This so called huge fan gave up when a huge opportunity fell in his lap and he did nothing but be a huge waste of space in the tribe (and he can't even admit that). And what really pisses me off? He couldn't even do it for his ally Tracy who stuck by him despite it being a terrible move for her and never swaying. I will always dislike Chet for that.

Coby Archa (Palau)

Here's a fun drinking game that will guarantee you''ll die from alcohol poisoning: pop in the Survivor Palau DVD and take a shot every time Coby bitches about something. You'll be blitzed by episode 4.

So you're on Survivor. You're hungry, you're cold, you've been going on 3 hours of sleep for the past several days, and you're just plain miserable. Unfortunately for Koror, they had the added wrinkle of having Coby on their team who made it his personal goal to bitch about how sucky everyone was around him. His bitter mood began to leak through and as Ian confessioned 'Everyone [was] getting pretty tired of it.' As were the rest of us viewers which is why Coby only lived through a single Tribal Council.

It's interesting to see how hard Coby fucks up in his boot episode as well. For whatever reason, Coby decided to spread a whole bunch of gossip to Steph about how jealous all the ladies were of her. This went over for him about as well as you'd expect since Steph spilled the news to everyone else and killed any hope he may of had for allies. His mistakes didn't end there. When he jumped into the water for a doughnut at an immunity challenge Gregg joked at him to 'save him a bite' to which Coby condescendingly laughed and proceeded to make a big show out of his snack by doing everything but crowing 'awww you guys don't even know what you're missing' in between licking his fingers. Don't take your vote out as a compliment Coby. It sure as hell wasn't one....


Courtney Marit (Exile Island)

Poor Courtney. She was the first to get the butt of all the 'least liked person' votes in the 'splinter alliances' challenge You could almost feel bad for her but we were all forced to watch her soooooooo.....yeaaaahhhhh.

There's really not too much more to Courtney other than when she didn't seem batshit nuts with her 'free love and peace broooo' attitude she wasn't very likable. It'd probably help her if she wasn't doing yoga in other peoples rock garden. When your closest ally is Insane Shane, and most people still vote on you being the biggest poser and most annoying person, you got some bad character flaws.


Michelle Chase (Gabon)

There's a solid reason Michelle got the first boot in her season. Turns out the last thing hungry, tired uncomfortable human beings want to deal with is a person who bitches, moans, whines and complains about the world (in a past world, her and Coby ended up on a team together and the entire tribes eardrums exploded). Oh yeah, if you want to add fuel to the fire, also talk about how stupid and horrible they are at life. I think if GC had said he sucked at the first challenge on purpose in order to get her annoying attitude out of the jungle, he may have been able to sell it.

Michelle certainly lacked the mental and social skills needed by like a whole lot. Enough to be a physical power and STILL have her team dislike her enough to get rid of her instead of the weaker and slightly-less-annoying-but-still pretty-annoying Gillian. Also, if you're gonna complain about how much your teammates suck at life, maybe you shouldn't let your final moment on the reunion show be you nervously ranting on live TV like a person who sucks at life? Just saying....

Sarah Jones (Marquesas)

So do you think Sarah goes through life thinking that she was very close to being the Mrs. Boston Rob and having the 15 minutes of fame that Amber once had? If only she could've made it past premerge, who knows what she and Rob could've had.

Unfortunately, Sarah was booted early for...sucking. It seemed liked everyone on her Maaramu team had the same point of view that Sarah was a pretty useless, lazy team member who's most useful feature was being used as a flotation device (for two big, perky reasons). Well everyone except BRob, who even stated in an interview that she was more a useful ally then someone he genuinely liked being around (how does he keep getting women to agree that making out is better when you're breath reeks so bad it feels like a physical kick in the face?).

Point blank, Sarah didn't really have a lot of positive features to really make her likable, even with the fair editing in the early Survivor years.



Ozzy Lusth (Cook Islands, Fans vs Favorites, South Pacific)

Nope. Not an Ozzy man. Loved him at Cook Islands, annoyed as shit at him in South Pacific.

How in the world could you not root for Ozzy by the end of Cook Islands. The kid seemed to be genetically designed for Survivor with his monkey climbing skills, dolphin swimming abilities, and gazelle running speed. He is still regarded as one of the best challenge performers in the shows history. He had the underdog label as a member of the Aitu 4 who made one of the biggest comebacks ever and he came in second place when lost by a single vote. Even though he had some poor moments at times (purposefully losing to vote out Billy), bringing him back as a favorite was an easy call.

Unfortunately, now that Ozzy knows the world thinks he's awesome, he has no problem acting out the 'man,-I'm-sooooo-awesome' role. Ozzy made the poor strategic choice of telling everyone at his camp the right way to do things which pissed off anyone not willing to suck his dick (I'm looking at you Erik). Since it landed him in the leadership role that never does well, Ozzy had to backtrack under the 'no, I'm not the leader guys really' tactic. Didn't work.

As a mental, strategic player, Ozzy was a mess. In South Pacific, he used the Redemption Island twist to try and trick the opposing tribe, Upolu, into thinking he hated his former team and would pretend to vote with them. This was a decent plan that could've been pulled off if Ozzy didn't give one of the worst acting performances in front of the entire cast that made Tara Reid look like Jack Nicholson. The plan didn't even come close to working out. Hell, even his fake HII plan in Micronesia was stolen from another, better player from another season.

And while we're on that, Ozzy's behavior toward Eliza was just douch-y. There's no other way to describe it. I mean, I feel how frustrating it might of been to live with something who looked and sounded like Eliza, but when the girl is on the outs and getting her voted out is just a matter of time, what's the point of mocking and laughing at her misfortune? 'C'mon Jeff. That took hours to make.' Ugh....fuck him so hard for doing that because it put me in the weird position of trying to pick a side between this prick and Eliza and Jason.....

And has anyone ever noticed that every time Ozzy doesn't get his way he becomes this big, whiny, pouty, hurt attitude? I swear, it's like clockwork. When Flicka was voted out in Cook Islands, when Elyse was voted out in South Pacific, and when Cochran flipped on him, his attitude is always the same whiny, emo 'wow, you guys turned on me. I thought we were all a team, but I guess we're not. I'm gonna go mope in a coconut tree...'

All this and I haven't even covered his big moment: the Micronesia jury speech. So staying true to his 'I'm-so-awesome-but-am-also-a--douche-who-likes-to-whine-when-he-doesn't-get-his-way' attitude, Ozzy yelled, insulted and sore-losered the hell outta Parvati and then turn the whole thing around with 'Amanda, I think I was falling in love with you' (which I think he was confused with 'love for camera time') before dramatically smacking himself in the face like a wack job.

Whew, lot to cover with that guy. He had a lot of poor moments and I hope he'll never be asked back. Maybe Comedy Bang! Bang! will work out better for him.

So Worlds Apart is over and we had a lot of awful people. So awful in fact, I had to do some adjusting to the bottom of the pile. Here are two of the 18 castaways of Worlds Apart who were so terrible, they couldn't manage to be a likable enough person to stay out of the bottom 40. I don't think anyones mind is gonna get blown at this selection.


Rocky Reid
Parvati Shallow
Jenna Morasca

Rodney Lavoie Jr. (Worlds Apart)

Douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche,

You see that? 4 lines explaining why I dislike Rodney and I don't think anyone is confused as to why. But just in case, here you go: the first red flag was when Rodney gave a horrible argument that women need to hold themselves to a higher standard for no other reason then because they don't have a weiner. Controversial stance, but he managed to walk out okay seeing as the argument was against someone who thought getting a tattoo on her face was a good idea. When given a hard time on his work ethic, Rodney took the oh-so-mature road by making a big show-y hissy fit, slamming firewood on a pile as hard as he could cuz if it works for 5 year olds, why not do it too,,,,

After that, it was a string of 'listen brah! Yo brah! Love ya brah! You need to RELAX brah! That's how we do it in Jersey brah!' If 'how we do it in Jersey' means 'sound as much like a tool as you seem' then sure. And God help you if you deprive him free shit on his birthday cuz you'll be in for a whine-y, immature earful. Don't ever come back brah.






Heidi Strobel
Lindsey Richeter
Ben Browning

Dan Foley (Worlds Apart)

It's really fascinating to me just how hard Dan sucked and how blissfully unaware he is of it. Like, wow....

So I never really disliked Dan that much, even with all the insults to Rodney's mom and awful apologies (under his own disillusion that he's some sort of expert female interpreter). He had a superfan glee about being there and playing the game that I enjoyed watching. You could see it in how hard he played in challenges and rooted for his team members.

And then...

After some nasty awful comments said to Shirin, Dan took the delicate situation and gave his two cents: all the tears and upset emotions Shirin had were all a big, giant ploy because Shirin loooooooooves to play the victim and she was milking the experience of feeling like garbage. I mean, that's.....that's pretty shitty. And you know, I can't say Shirin was exactly a favorite of mine but given how awful the situation was, I don't think it was the best time to talk about 'genuine crying.' At the reunion, Dan decided to make the situation go from bad to worse by being snide, arrogant, angry, and saying it was all poor editing that made him say all those things (which Probst awesome-ly disproved on one of those incidents).

And for a man who loves to boast about his awesome superfan knowledge, he sure as shit doesn't know a lot about the basic understanding of the game. 'Flippers. Never. Win.' Totally true unless you're Vecepia (a winner he doesn't even know of), Danni, or Bob. 'It's just basic math.' Meaning what? Your number alliance has a larger number of people then the other so therefore you win a million? Basic math doesn't guarantee jack.

What's truly remarkable about Dan was according to his final words, he was playing a game to seem like a likable, respected character but ended up having the complete opposite effect. That takes a special kind of dumbass to pull that off.

Ben Browning (Samoa)

I don't like people who behave in ugly ways. That should be clear with my large disdain for Russell, Phillip, Lisi, Alex, Fairplay, Judd and 75% of everyone else ranked before Ben.

Ben has the impressive achievement of being the only person on Samoa to give viewers thought on who was the bigger asshole: him or a hobbit on crack. He was loud and abrasive, played dirty in immunity challenges, rubbed salt in the wounds of people he had the upper hand on, took a page out of  Russell's 'how to jerk off in a personal interview' book, and...yeah. The 'ghetto trash' remarks. I'm not saying Yasmin isn't a piece of work (more on her later), but Ben didn't exactly handle her in a way that made him look like a class act. He isn't exactly bright either. Russell tells a small white lie about Ashley and then Ben gives her the lip because...I don't know....they both agree that women are stupid? And it's silly decisions like that that make Russell believe he actually is the Jesus Christ of Survivor so shame on you for that Ben.

The only two things that keep Ben from being further down on the shit pile is 1) he didn't make it past episode three and 2) more importantly, he apparently patched things up with Yasmin which might mean there's more to him then the jackwad we saw for three episodes.





Dave Cruser (China)

I'm not the biggest China fan, which is kind of unusual in the Survivor fanbase world, and a lot of it stems from its bland cast. You'd think someone with a loud personality like Dave would be a breath of fresh air for that season, but Dave is sadly the obnoxious, annoying loud.


I don't know how Dave didn't consider how his cruddy personsality might be an issue in a game where social intereacting is a large part of the game. Which is why Dave should consider himself fortunate he got a as far as he did when his team decided to keep him over someone else....twice....on purpose. Dave spent his four episodes telling nearly everyone on his tribe how awful their work ethic was and pissing everyone he could off. When wreacking havoc at his own camp got boring, he decided to annoy the people in the enemy camp (James called and he said your hugs weren't even that good), a genius strategy if I believed Dave was smart enough to think it up. He wasn't fun, he wasn't interesting, he wasn't a good Survivor player. And that is why he got kicked out after 4 episodes. Not that his larger-then-life ego would allow himself to admit that.





Ami Cusack (Vanuatu, Fans vs Favorites)

Whenever I see a TV show with a joke about 'a planet entirely populated by women' (see Futurama and Rick and Morty) I always like to imagine Ami is in there somewhere in their Congress.

Ami loves women. She loves sleeping with them, she likes forming bonds with them, and she loves using them to help her win Survivor (unless your old and unattractive. There's no place for you in female culture!) And she loves making men look dumb in the process of it all. If only she could've pretended to stomach Twila and Scout, she may of kept the record perfect for female winners in men vs women seasons. But Ami was very condescending towards the players she had no use for. And after Twila--a person she couldn't stand--outsmarted her on the show, Ami decided the best way to make herself feel better about the situation was to lead the charge with the 'Twila swore on her sons name' campaign that got a way more attention that it should have. But at least she was classy enough to vote for Twila after she was nice enough to kiss her ass (cuz at the end of the day, Twila is still a woman).

She didn't get any better when viewers got her to return in a second season (ugh...). I'm still amazed at the bitch move she pulled when Ozzy decided to use her in a vote against Erik and she responded by smiling cheerily at him and saying 'thanks to you, I've finally connected with the group. And it's all at your expense! Thank you so much for giving me friends by losing even though you're trying so hard to stay. My happiness should definetly help with that sting you're gonna feel on your way out.' Luckily, it didn't pan out that way.



Yasmin Giles (Samoa)

Yes, she beats out her enemy by a smidge, but she still sucks.

I don't think Ben's choice in words were smart, but Yasmin didn't make it easy on herself by handling a teams loss in one of the worst ways she knew how.

In case you don't remember, Foa Foa lost one of their challenges (one of many) and Yasmin was elected as the person sent to their camp for a day. One of the first words out of her mouth was insulting them and comparing her teams winning streak to that of 'taking candy from a baby' and then grabbing Ben and yelling at him for having the gall to physically place his hands on her in a physical challenge that required physical contact. When Ben responded to her tantrum unapologetically (rightfully so), she became enraged that she wasn't getting the apology she felt so entitled to and got even more bitchy.

And I think it speaks volumes when your team votes you out the first chance they get on because of how much they dislike you . But fair is fair, she was classy at the reunion and had a good answer for handling the douche-y Ben.


Jason Siska (Fans vs Favorites)

I am insulted this guy got put on a team called the 'fan' team. Everything this guy did screamed 'get a clue' and it was enraging.

Jason was pretty invisible up til...the moment we all know him for. You know, he goes to Exile, finds a stick, and believes it to be the hidden idol. Okay, so he's not bright, but so what? Stupid people can be fun and likable. But after he gets Eliza humiliated, he makes it to the last two in the final immunity challenge only to stupidly buy into his enemies fake promise that they won't got backsies on their word and will keep him in if he gives up on the immunity challenge (a promise that wouldn't of mattered if Jason had just won the damn thing cuz in case you didn't know Siska, YOU CAN'T VOTE OUT THE PLAYER WITH THE GODDAMN NECKLACE ON!!!) After the players realize just how dumb the kid is, they decide it's better to keep the smart-as-a-booger around and vote out the player that actually mattered so Jason gets another three days to live. Does he use those extra three days wisely? Does Kim Kardashina pick shitty names for her kids?

He gets sent to Exile Island under the lie-as-plain-as-the-nose-on-my-face, it's 'to find the immunity idol. So why you trippin?' True to his dumbass nature, Jason falls for it again and gives himself another shot to get through TC with the discovery of the real HII, only to blurt it out first chance he gets with a simple 'I swear I'm with you, not the allies I've had forever' story.

So lets sum this all up people: Jason can't figure out when an alliance that has been in place longer then he knows is bullshitting him for their own personal benefit. He will eat up any slop you throw at him because he's about as smart as the stick idol he found. Even when he has a front row seat to that same group of people going back on their word to everyone else. He is another dumb stepping stone to that victory Parvati acquired that season and when a 'hardcore fan' can't understand the basics of decent gameplay, that can be so frustrating to watch. Fuck this guy.

Kimmi Kappenberg (Australia)

Poor Kimmi. What sucks about being her is unlike many others before her, she doesn't have the benefit of blaming her awful personality on terrible editing like the newer breed of Survivors have.

No, Kimmi is one of the old school originals who is best known for letting animal rights get in the way of letting her entire team down. What's worse is her entire character arc is made up of tribe members who do not like her. Sure, there's the chick fight that started over a chick when Alicia got fed up with Kimmi dramatically and stupidly playing animal equality attorney with a group of starving team members. But then she has Jeff saying how she just loves to holler loudly about sex and masturbation. And then there's Michael giving a personal interview about how defensive she gets when he offhandedly remarked how dirty she was after living in a mud pile for several days. Bottom line, in an Survivor era where editing was shared equally, everyone was equally talking about how annoying Kimmi was. As we all were.

Eliza Orlins- (Vanuatu, Fans vs Favorites)

It absolutely blows my mind how much love this girl gets from the Survivor community. How much love? Enough to warrant producers to get her back for a second Goddamn season.

Okay, sure. It was pretty cool to see her constantly dodge Tribal Council after Tribal Council and make it all the way to Final Four before her bush baby eyes got voted out, but what many people seem to forget is she was constantly on the outs within her team cuz people found her just so Goddamn irritating. The only reason anyone bothered to spare her was because she was so fuckin eager to stay in the game she would've voted her own dying daughter out if it meant staying another three days. When she finally wore out her use (which she hilariously didn't even realize), she gave what I can only imagine was an intimidating death stare to Chris in some laughable attempt to make him feel bad, and then became that juror we love to hate. What was it again? Oh yeah: "My question is I DEMAND AN APOLOGY!!" I can't say Twila telling her to go fuck herself was good gameplay, but I'll be damned if it wasn't satisfying having someone finally tell Eliza to shut the fuck up.

She didn't get any better in FvF either. She still talked enough words to make the Holy Bible look like light reading and when she was on the outs, she pathetically monologued to the people in power about how oh-so-loyal she was. To everyone's credit, they didn't respond by cackling in her face about how stupid she thought they all were. Getting literally laughed out of the Tribal Council was a fitting end for this bug-eyed annoying tool.



Danielle DiLorenzo (Exile Island, Heroes vs Villains)

Little tidbit about me: my dad was a hunter who also raised chickens. Sometimes, things like foxes and raccoons would come and steal one of the chickens. In order to lure them out and kill them, my dad bought an audio CD filled with 48 minutes of rabbits getting tortured. Being 7 years old, this noise always made me feel sad and sick. Then, several years later, I heard Danielle talk....and talk....and talk....and now I don't find that noise so awful anymore.

It may sound petty. but a lot of my dislike for Danielle stems from those vocal cords that vibrate together to make that shitty noise that could generously be called a voice. Her thick accent was the equivalent of Rosie O'Donnell doing a stand up act while chewing with her mouth open. She also gets a lazy chick penalty when she handled crazy Shane in a way only a lazy chick with no counter argument can have. First she responded with 'what're you tawkin about? What'sere prawblem?' followed by grabbing a shovel and attempting to build a fire pit cuz she'll be damned if Shane was gonna be right about her.

She also attempted to pull a Natalie White by using Russell to the point where she didn't need him anymore, which may have worked if she didn't stupidly blurt out how tight she and Parvati was through her dumb, emotional sobbing.

And...well...she looks dumb with those horse teeth. She literally looks like a Mr. Ed with two cantaloupes stapled to her chest.