Stephenie LaGrossa (Palau, Guatemala, Heroes vs Villains)

If you've read any of my previous rankings, you might of noticed I don't particularly care for Stephenie, but there was actually a point in time I really loved her. In Palau, she had a very strong competitive spirit, which was very rare for women at this point in the show for a female and, more importantly, Stephenie knew how to take care of herself. It was a breath of fresh air to finally have a girl who didn't need a father-type, boyfriend-type, brother-type, mother-type bond with another castaway in the show. And after her entire tribe got the boot and she was left at camp all alone, how could you not root for her?

Unfortunately, by the time Guatemala came around, Steph did a total 180. She was completely irrational, took criticism very poorly, and I got so sick and tired of hearing the 'I'm tired of being on the team of losers cuz everyone sucks except me cuz I mean just look at how awesome I am' confessionals she just couldn't resist blabbering.  It's amazing how quickly my feelings went from joy and excitement on seeing her return to joy and excitement to seeing a jury rip her to shreds in the course of one season.

Osten Taylor (Pearl Islands)

Here he is everyone. The original quitter.

The Morgan tribe made a lot of mistakes on their season, but giving Osten the role of MVP was probably the worst one. Hell, the biggest master plan this genius could come up with was taking his pants off in an attempt to distract the other team. Spoiler warning: it didn't work. The guy also had quite the lists of fears as we watched him freak the fuck out over bugs, a pelican, the ocean, and watching his body deteriorate.

After sucking challenge after challenge after challenge and then sucking at camp day after day after day, Osten decided that sucking was getting too hard for him to handle and decided to seal his suck legacy by being the first Survivor quitter.


Mia Galeotalanza (Vanuatu)

I'm not sure if there are many people who remember much about Mia other than the blowup she had at Twila and that's a large reason she got ranked as low as she did, but I also remember Mia being really dumb as well.

The particular example I'm thinking of is when John K asked to have the women divided up from the girls that voted for Dolly from the girls that didn't vote for Dolly. Anyone who's seen an episode of Survivor could tell you what he was doing, but Mia being true to Mia form could only roll her eyes and scoff at how entirely pointless the whole thing was because Mia can't figure out the simple concept of tribe division and how valuable that information can be.

And yes, Mia also bitched out Twila because Twila answered a simple question about work ethic and said 'some work harder then others' but Mia had water in her ears or something cause she heard 'nobody does work except me' and went on a rant that it was Twila's only card to play and blah blah blah. We all were mumbling bitch under our breaths the same time Mia was after that ordeal,  but not about the same person.

'Rocky' Reid (Fiji)

Yet another awful member in the Fiji cast.

What can you say about a guy who starts his Final Words with 'Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!'? Rocky was a loud, abrasive, emotional tool. When he wasn't picking fights with his enemies, he was picking fights with his tribemates. And when that wasn't enough, he was picking fights with his own alliance members.

What's your favorite worst Rocky moment? Mine is the hilarious Rocky reasoning that Anthony's main issue in life is he doesn't know how to stand up for what's his. Because in the world of Rocky, anybody who keeps their mouth shut because they'd rather not have to listen to the pile of bullshit that runs out of his mouth is a sign that you're a major pussy.

True story: Rocky is the only Survivor I've had the pleasure of talking to on the phone and I'm pleased to inform you he's just as big a douche as he was on the show.


Parvati Shallow (Cook Islands, Fans vs Favorites, Heroes vs Villains)

Yeah, yeah. I'm fully aware the amount of disagreement I'm gonna get on this one, but I'm a huge hater of arguably the most popular female there is on Survivor.

My theory is people are so happy to finally have a female Survivor player who knows how to play the game as ruthlessly and as good as all the men the show keeps pimpin out. We have BRob, Ozzy, Coach, Phillip, Russell, Hatch and Rupert as big Survivor personalities. Before Parvati came, the best edit a female got was the Stephanie Lagrossa route (and she fucked that up in Guatemala).  Parvati proved in FvF and confirmed in HvV that she is more than just a pretty face and fans ate her up. A strong, smart woman who didn't get the 'mom, weak, cute little girl' edit, but a Survivor player edit.

And I'm not against that. I love women who can prove they have the chops to go toe-to-toe against the Ozzy's and the Rupert's. No, my main issue with Parvati is while she has the mind of a player, she still has the personality of a dumb, sorority girl.  She plays the flirtation card way too hard, she's been labeled as lazy in at least two of her three seasons, she talks as if she's playing a dumb bimbo role in a Seth MacFarlane show, and (prior to popular belief) she's not the best speaker at TCs (biggest example come from her answers at Candice's boot episode in CI and her FTC in FvF).

I'm sure there are a lot of people who will say that it's only a role she plays in order to seem nonthreatening in the game and that very well may be true, but I also think there is a lot of her real personality in these moments and it doesn't make it any less annoying for me.


Jenna Morasca (Amazon, All Stars)

I just want to be clear, I love Jenna. I've seen her in several interviews throughout her former relationship with Ethan and the girl as grown into a mature, funny, amazing young woman. But by my rules, this is not a ranking on how I like Survivor based on where they are in life now. This is strictly what was seen on the show and during that time, Jenna was no sunflower.

I don't know what else I can say about Jenna that wasn't already covered in her winners ranking writeup. Jenna had a very poor personality and it showed in her poor gameplay when she shunned out all the people she didn't like and treated them as her own personal doormat. She blabbed to rocket scientist Dave about her entire tribe and where they stood in her head (even saying to him 'gee I probably shouldn't be telling you this stuff, buuuuuuuuut daw well. *shoves food into face*). And the icing on the cake? Complaining that life was soooooo hard because she was just so gosh darn beautiful as she sat next to a deaf woman who she despised. Classy....


Terry Deitz (Exile Island, Second Chance)

Terry possesses one of the worst qualities in a human being and that is he thinks he is just the most damned awesome person on the whole planet.

I'm not saying it's a self-confidence thing or taking pride in your work. I'm saying Terry's head is so far up his own ass, he will shake his head in disappointment at you for not taking him to the end to aid him win a million dollars as he said to Danielle. He thinks he's so Star Spangled Awesome, that if you call him an unfair name or label, let's just say....oh....a womanizer....he thinks the best punishment there is for you is to ask for an apology or he will cut all relationship ties to you completely cuz what's worse than having a person of his caliber removed from you life, right?

And the irony is this guy sucks as a Survivor player. How badly? He can't even win when he has the infamous 'overpowered idol' because he doesn't know how to use it. Instead of using it as a way to help his comrades, Terry decided to hoard the thing to himself and use it as a tool to aggressively jump down the throats of the Casaya alliance. As Cirie correctly pointed out, he was a man who could offer nothing, yet spoke to you as if he had everything. Cuz don't forget.....AWESOME!!

In Second Chance, I got the same exact vibe.