Alicia Calaway (Australia, All Stars)

Alas, another beloved player of mine who turned into an ugly bitter Betty on her 2nd play through.

How could you not love Alicia in Australia? Interestingly, she's one of the few women in Survivor history to be voted out for being a physically strong competitive threat to go along with her spunk and personality. She was a pretty solid player that was a nice addition to the amazing Australia cast. Unlike Jenna L, there was a lot of sense in asking Alicia back for another season.

Unfortunately, she was also a big addition to the biggest group of sore losers along with her leader Lex. Unlike Lex, who sounded as though he was trying to make an argument to a cause he believed in (stupid, petty, and wrong as it was), Alicia just came off as plain ol' pissy. And she turned into one more lady in my life to break my heart when the game show power of jury member fueled her flames as she aggressively berated Amber and Boston Rob in a rant that she must've practiced in a mirror at least a dozen times. Finally, she slammed the final nail in the 'suck' coffin when she cast her voted an spat a final, venomous 'fuck you' to Rob in a vote confession that sounded so rehearsed, it just threw her into a dimension of pathetic that she will never be able to recover from.

Jamie Newton (Guatemala)

The person who came closest to matching Judd's level of shit.

Jamie just wasn't a good person on the show. I first picked up on it when he voiced his dislike for Brianna by saying 'I like girls crazy and pretty. She's neither....' Huh. Sure your teammate on the outs of the group appreciated that one Jamie. Then there was the constant taunting like when he shrieked 'WHO'S SMILING NOW' to the losing team. So he's a pretty shit winner. More? Alright, what about the whining and bitching he did when the opposing team came over and nicely asked if they were interested in having a birthday party at their camp and relax for a day. Of course Jamie had to have a problem with this and whined about the enemy coming on their turf and it's stupid to go mingle with the enemy and typical douche-y shit. Is it any wonder Bobby Jon got all crazy-eyed at this turd? 

He also had a pretty weird idea of competing. Twice in the season, his team lost the match by a lot. Like it would take everyone a good couple of minutes to watch them get to the end. But Jamie, with some sort of competitive pride on the line, said 'no we're gonna finish! We're gonna finish' which caused his teammates to roll their eyes and mention the pointless-ness expending valuable energy to a challenge that was already over.

Shannon Elkins (Nicaragua)

What's up man-named-Shannon?

I'm sure going to the gym 6 hours a day and having a mother telling him how special he was made Shannon truly believe he was some sort of alpha male on his team cause he sure as hell did everything he could to show it off. But the only thing he had to show for it was a mouth that ran way too much. At first, there wasn't anything worth remembering him for. Typical 'Chase is watching her feelings cause she's a woman' crap.

Then the TC we know him for. Probst asks the usual 'hows it going so far Shannon' and Shannon just let loose. First he attempts to de-masculate Chase by calling Brenda his girlfriend, said he doesn't get any loyalty from 'home boy', and going the 15 year old route of calling Sash gay and the girls he's hooked up with are so much hotter then his. Alpha male bro...



Natalie Bolton (Fans vs Favorites)

A quick hypothetical: what if a group of men formed an alliance and began picking a group of ladies off one by one? In the process of doing so, the man alliance met up after every TC and laughed about how awesome they were because of how much more physically and mentally stronger they were then women. Saying 'if you can't beat them with these (points at bicep) then you can always beat them with these (points at head)." Seems kind of douche-y right? Now if you reverse the gender, you'd have the Black Widow alliance of Parvati, Cirie, Amanda, and Natalie. And everyone thought it was just sooooooooo awesome. -_-

I have no problem with women dominating in Survivor. Hell, I think overall they play the better game strategically and socially. However, I do have a problem with boasting about how incredibly smart and superior you are because you're gender is better then the other whether you be male or female.

So what does this have to do with Natalie? Well up until her alliance formed with Parvati, Amanda, and Cirie, Natalie had been pretty much invisible. Then she had a weird confessional out of the blue about how she's able to be more of herself because she's able to....backstab more.

Okay, so shes happy that she's more involved in the game. That's fine. But then she had all these odd sayings like how 'even though women are evil and manipulative, they totally are good people because we want people to have a good birthday which is why we're voting out James over Erik.' Um....what? You expect me to believe you're not voting for someone else because you're a considerate person in a vote where you have absolutely no stakes on the line? And you bring up the fact that it's a woman thing because...?

And now that she was getting more airtime, we were able to get a bigger grasp on her personality. And while I'm sure it was endearing for some, it came across as snobby and very unlikable for me. The best example I can think of is the chocolate cake item she got to share at an auction in which she turned around and barked 'okay Alexis, Cirie, do NOT hog the cake cuz I'm in a mood!' Ugh....

Lastly, there's the jury question: 'Hey Parvati. Lookin hot as hell today. So my question is how do you interpret how you play the game into the bedroom. Lolz.' Really Natalie? Why does being a jury member turn you into a frat guy trying to get laid? Weren't you on a team called 'fans'? Get her number after the show and quit being a pathetic star-struck mess and try being a fuckin Survivor player.

Judd Sergeant (Guatemala)

Jesus Christ do I hate this guy. I really hate this guy. I hate this guy! I hate his voice, I hate the way he talks, I hate his attitude, I hate his shit-eating grin, I hate his philosophy on life, I hate that he still has life. I haaaaaaaate Judd.

In fact, I'd say the only good thing that came out of Judd was miserably failing at multiple things because of what a huge dumbass he was. Case and point: the first hidden immunity idol. At TC, Jeff asks Judd if he has some sort of morale compass when he plays the game. Rather then just replying 'no', Judd decides to make a big show of it and ramble about how he's never lied but everyone else is lying all over the place. When pressed, he continues by calling out Gary and saying Gary is making deals with everyone he can when Gary, in an example of pure brilliance, calls Judd out on his own lie about where the HII was hidden. Judd has no choice but to smirk, use 'I'm a bad liar' as an excuse for everyone to forgive him, and put on his best shit-eating grin.

That moment is only fun cause it was at Judd's expense though, which, unfortunately, didn't happen too often. Watching Judd outright bully Margaret and then rub salt in her wounds when she was voted out was disgusting. Having him blow up at everyone after he stole someone else's beer and get all defensive about it only to have an interview where 'he deserves more beer then the rest of them' made me want to shove his arm through a table saw. Hearing him say 'man' at the end of every FUCKING sentence was like getting hit in the temple by a sledgehammer.

I had a cigarette after his demise. Was sooooooo good to watch.


Alicia Rosa (One World)

Colton's awful partner in crime.

The main thing that made me really despise Alicia was her weird way of bitching about how awful Christina was after she went to the men and negotiated a way to get them to help them out. You remember how awful those women were doing at the start of the game? I sure as hell do. I remember the women were just flat out helping themselves into the mens camp and sitting by their fire to the point the men had to tell them 'um....you're our enemy. You have to go.' And then I remember Chelsea getting all pissed off about it and sobbing about how cold her hands were and saying the men were just so mean for not just giving them free stuff. They were miserable. So Christina decided to help out the team by swallowing her pride and asking if the men would make them a fire and in return the ladies would roll up some palms. Sounded reasonable. So Alicia interviews how happy she is that they finally figured out a plan to get something they so desperately needed right? Of course not. Instead she complains that Christina is being too nicey nice and Alicia wants to weave the palms at her camp, not the mens.

Now I wasn't completely in love with the way the guys treated the women (stealing an ax, asking them to get naked and all that), but this was the only scene I can remember where the women actually made progress with getting the dumbasses to help them. I thought that was pretty cool, but Alicia was such a PoS that she decided to make the whole situation an issue. How and why would you take 'hey we're finally getting fire' into 'I want to punch Christina in the face for trying to make nice with the the other team'? That's what crappy people do.

Of course, she only got worse. She not only cackled hilariously at Coltons nasty comments, but actually tried to be a bigger shit stain then him. She deliberately tried to be the biggest headache she could be by leaving little to no room for Christina in the shelter, calling her nasty names, and even comparing her to her special needs students. Stay classy Alicia.

I'd say fuck her, but I'd hope people would have better standards then that.

Joel Anderson (Fans vs Favorites)

I said it once before and I'll say it again: Joel single-handedly destroyed his tribe way more than Russell Hantz ever did. And that infuriates me.

I was really rooting for the Fans in Micronesia. I truly was. I didn't want to see a whole season of the veterans mopping up the floor with the noobs. But thanks to Joel's shitty attitude, low IQ, and piss poor strategy, he couldn't of paved the roads for the favorites any better if he knocked out the kneecaps of his teammates with lead pipes.

There was zero sense...none...to keeping Chet over Mary and Mikey. I can appreciate taking out a threat in the game, but on day 6? What the fuck sense does it make? Mikey could not have phrased it any better: Joel was too busy playing a long-term game and not playing a team vs team game that would help keep his team united and help him later on down the road. And what was the huge plan that Joel became so intimated by it warranted an entire game suicide? A simple idol split. That's right. Parvati is partially a millionaire because Mikey had the kuh-razy idear to split the votes a specific way due to an idol. Not even a hidden idol. In other words, 'smart man make big sense. Smart man scare Joel! Help me team Joel team. Joel can't think too much cuz it make Joel brain itch.' I will not understand why you would want to make your majority alliance smaller and keep the minority alliance who hates you all over one meh move thought up by another guy.

And can I just take a minute to say how much I loooooooooove the fact that his poor strategic game came to bite him in the ass? He righteously got what he deserved. An early and humiliating kick in the ass on the way out the door by the very people he despised.

Oh yeah, and also all the douchey yelling. "CHET GET OUT OF THE WATER." "KATHY! STOP COMPLAINING AND DO SOME WORK" "CHET! STOP MAKING ME DRAG YOU THROUGH THE DEBRIS AND HITTING YOUR FACE ON POINTY STICKS! I'M JOEL! I'M SUCH A HUGE FAN OF THIS SHOW!" Idiot.....




That's Agent Lex's Top 10 most disliked Survivors.