Russell Hantz (Samoa, Heroes vs Villains, Redemption Island)

Here's the little hobbit.

Russell is a person you either really like or really dislike. If you're the delusional type of person who thinks Russell 'is the true winner' or have a 'bitter jury' concept then chances are we all know what camp you fall into.

Let me make it clear: I don't think Russell is a bad Survivor player. On the contrary, he's pretty good. But that's it. He's good. Not great, not amazing, not 'the Babe Ruth or Michael Jordan of Survivor.' A solid 7 out of 10 player. Maybe 8.5 on a good day. But nowhere near the caliber Russell and his followers believe.

And right there is the main issue with Russell. Russell wants credit for anything and everything he can get his tiny, gremlin hands on. There isn't anything wrong with taking pride in your accomplishments, but Russell's self-entitlement was so terrible and douchey, he couldn't keep it hidden from 2 juries. And that's the main reason why he lost and will never be a great player.

Russell's self-entitlement is so awful he even pats himself on the back for things he either a) didn't do on his own or b) aren't even that impressive. So you lied about being in a hurricane? Big deal. Frat boys do shit like that all the time to get laid at bars. You want all the glory for booting Marissa? Well shit man, call up Ghandia, Tijuana, and LaGrossa and let them know how amazing they are cause they pretty much threw a name out that their teams ate up with their seasons first boots too.

Shit, even finding an idol without clues isn't that impressive. You found it under a bridge and in a giant, fucking hole in a tree in the middle of your campsite. Anyone with the time on their hands that you had can do that. And now that people realize it can be done, Survivors are doing it left and right. Some in actual, real hiding places.

What makes Russell even worse is it's that asshole behavior that got us started with all the awful 'veterans vs noobs' trudge that Survivor is just now finding its way out of. Think about it, Russell doesn't act like a douche on Samoa, he doesn't get called back for HvV cause it's 'good TV' and doesn't gloat about beating Boston Rob at the reunion which doesn't prompt Rob to challenge him and 'kick his ass' out on the island and give the producers that shitty idea. Hope you remembered to give Russell a big thank you on his answering machine Rob.

And can we take a moment to just talk about how delusional this guy is? How can a guy be 0 and 2 and still boast that he's better than a player who's 2 and 2? How can you talk about having so much love and respect for the game and then say you only lost because it's broken? How can you lose season after season after season and still say you're game is perfect without learning a damned thing? I just....I can't...I don't understand how anyone can be this mental...


NaOnka Mixon (Nicaragua)

If I believed that NaOnka gave a shit about Survivor, I would probably think she just copied Jenna Morasca's strategy of ostracizing people she didn't care for and then multiplying her disdain for them 500 times too far. I'm not sure if anyone really has a memory of NaOnka that doesn't involve her being a complete bitch. Whenever she felt like she was being disrespected or didn't like a particular person, NaOnka sure made sure her opinion was heard loud and unclear. Oh yeah, and fuck whoever didn't like her attitude cause that's just the way she is. Translation: I can be as loud and obnoxious as I want cause it's your problem, not mine.

And that pretty much sums up everything NaOnka brought to the show, just a nasty attitude and a quit. She didn't like the people, she didn't appreciate the experience, and as I said, she didn't even care about Survivor in the first place. That might not of been so bad if it didn't take up 3/4ths of the season, but at least she was decent enough to quit on her own accord and spare us from even more of her garbage.

Colton Cumbie (One World, Blood vs Water)

The only thing that's worse than using racism as an excuse to justify your behavior is actually being a racist.

Okay, that's a little unfair, I don't actually believe Colton is a racist. I just think he's a really dumb kid who doesn't fully understand how to keep his mouth in check. Colton is a kid who spent the majority of his season whining. And I don't mean just the typical 'it rained so much and I'm coooooold' stuff we've grown accustomed to hearing at least once a season. I'm talking grade-A, top shelf, bring-out-the-good-cheese-and-pour-me-a-glass-of-that-high-quality whine. When he was on the mens tribe, he whined that he had nothing in common with any of them despite doing dick-all to try and fit in with them. When he hung out with the women's team, he eventually grated on their nerves so badly they had to send him away which led to another confessional of Colton whining that nobody liked him and he had no where to go. Finally, the tribes were reshuffled and Colton was put on a tribe with one of the person he got along best with: Alicia. So that should be enough to lighten his spirits right? Nope. After a brief whine that the other tribe has all the muscle and losing a challenge, Colton lets the power run to his head as he and Alicia bully the living shit out of Christina. I don't know what she did to deserve such hatred from the duo (as well as a few other castaways who had some awful comments about her), but when Colton gleefully told Christina to go lie down in the fire and cackled at his own hilarious joke, a ruptured appendix was just what I was hoping for (while he was on fire, but I'll take what I can get).

It isn't like he learned a lot when he returned for BvW either. After a couple interviews where he talks about how he hoped he could redeem his image, he spent the first interview crying about being away from Caleb for a whole 2 days and then crying about feeling like an outsider his whole life to crying that nobody wanted to strategize at camp to eventually crying himself out of the game entirely. Ugh....

Colton is the kind of person Joffery from Game of Thrones would be if you stripped away all his power and authority. He sucks. He sucks badly.



Brandon Hantz (South Pacific, Caramoan)

It's ironic isn't it? You come on Survivor to save the family name and yet you come out looking worse than the guy who fucked it up for you in the first place.

Brandon's....most memorable moment aside, he was awful. First off, I didn't have a care in the world about him being a Hantz. All families have that one member they wish to sweep under the rug before their boy/girlfriend gets to them. But Brandon wanted to be damned sure everyone got the memo that he was a totally different person. 'Hello America, yeah I'm a Hantz, but cross my heart I'm trying to be different.' 'As Russell's nephew, I feel a large amount of pressure to being on Survivor. I'm trying to play a completely different game then him.' 'I cut my hands at the challenge. Hey, speaking of Hantz, did I mention I am one. I got it tattooed on my back for Christ sake.' It just got stupid. And it's not even that interesting a character arc. 'Oh hey, that kid is totally different from another member of his family. That's only the plot point of every mediocre sitcom ever.'

Which made me really doubt all the religious talk was even real. It just seemed like he read a book written by a Twilight fanfiction writer on how to change your image to the world and it said 'oh yeah, be sure to mention how fond you are of the Christianity religion' so he made time for it in between his family tree chat. But it was worse then that. It turned out Brandon was totally sincere about the stuff he was saying. And hey, that's fine. However you wanna live and all that. But Brandon took the entire Catholic mindset and used it as his guiding thinking light. 'Mikayla is trying to seduce me with her hot body. As a Christian, I should vote her out so I don't stray.' C'mon Brandon. Don't use religion as a shield for your rape urges.

Brandon was also so weird with his thinking process too. I mean, did he ever once follow through with something he said he'd do? First he was never going to tell anyone he was a Hantz, then the guilt ate him up so he told them. In Caramoan, he walked around talking about how he wanted to quit the game and then a few edits later and he's talking about how he changed his mind again. And I'm sorry, but I've seen the episode 3 times and I'm still not entirely sure I know what would cause Brandon to think giving up immunity was a good  idea...at top 5

So yeah, all this combined with the ugliest moment in the history of the show earns Brandon a spot in the top 3 most disliked Survivors.


Corinne Kaplan (Gabon, Caramoan)

Corinne isn't a person who had a chance in hell of getting very high. She was nasty, rude, and unnecessarily pissy towards people who would nonchalantly say 'well I didn't really know who to vote for so I was gonna vote you just cause. (shrug).'

But no, Corinne gets this low for the exact reason you expect: her nasty comments aimed at Sugar. Allow me to refresh your memory:

'Sugar, you're an unemployed, uneducated leech on society and the only thing I would vote to give you is a handful of antidepressants so that no one else has to be subjected to your constant crying anymore and maybe if you got some then it would seem a little bit more sincere when you are crying about your dead father.'

That's bad enough on its own, but what I found even more infuriating was her pathetic excuse for it at the reunion show. Corinne explained that the reason she makes the comments we saw was because she's just one of those special gems that speaks her mind without using a filter like most people do. Whatever she thinks, it's what she says.

Um...first of all, no. That's the kind of bullshit people pull out of their ass when the cops ask them why they have pot in their glove compartment. People don't go throughout their day-to-day lives thinking 'okay brain, remember. Don't take the thing the person is most sensitive about and throw it into their face.' People Decent human beings just know not do that cause it's awful behavior. Second, what is the difference in filtering what you say to avoid certain topics and filtering what you say to make what you say hurt as much as possible. Just listen to what Corinne said. She obviously put some time into thinking about what she was gonna say and she obviously phrased it in a way to hurt as much as possible. You know, like she filtered it. Just another flawed argument from a flawed person.


Shamar Thomas (Caramoan)

Well so far, we're 5 entries in and 4 of them have been involved in the Caramoan season. That's not a coincidence CBS. Your casting sucked that season!

Does it really need to be said about Shamar? The guy maybe had 2 moments on camera where he wasn't a complete douche. Shamar was lazy, opinionated, loud, arrogant, rude, stupid, stubborn, immature, childish, worthless, and was only along for the ride as a tool. . Glad I got this guy fighting for my team -_-

Which I thinks says a lot about Shamar. I realize I'm only speculating and this is only going off an edit, but Shamar seems like one of those people who served time in the military and now feels entitled to everything life has to offer him. Not generalizing all war veterans, but we all know the type of person I'm talking about. Somebody did a few years living the hard life as a soldier, and then get back home to treat the world like their personal door mat and demand the respect from everyone they come in contact with. Shamar's attitude was awful and may he never return for a second season.