Judd Sergeant (Guatemala)

Jesus Christ do I hate this guy. I really hate this guy. I hate this guy! I hate his voice, I hate the way he talks, I hate his attitude, I hate his shit-eating grin, I hate his philosophy on life, I hate that he still has life. I haaaaaaaate Judd.

In fact, I'd say the only good thing that came out of Judd was miserably failing at multiple things because of what a huge dumbass he was. Case and point: the first hidden immunity idol. At TC, Jeff asks Judd if he has some sort of morale compass when he plays the game. Rather then just replying 'no', Judd decides to make a big show of it and ramble about how he's never lied but everyone else is lying all over the place. When pressed, he continues by calling out Gary and saying Gary is making deals with everyone he can when Gary, in an example of pure brilliance, calls Judd out on his own lie about where the HII was hidden. Judd has no choice but to smirk, use 'I'm a bad liar' as an excuse for everyone to forgive him, and put on his best shit-eating grin.

That moment is only fun cause it was at Judd's expense though, which, unfortunately, didn't happen too often. Watching Judd outright bully Margaret and then rub salt in her wounds when she was voted out was disgusting. Having him blow up at everyone after he stole someone else's beer and get all defensive about it only to have an interview where 'he deserves more beer then the rest of them' made me want to shove his arm through a table saw. Hearing him say 'man' at the end of every FUCKING sentence was like getting hit in the temple by a sledgehammer.

I had a cigarette after his demise. Was sooooooo good to watch.


Alicia Rosa (One World)

Colton's awful partner in crime.

The main thing that made me really despise Alicia was her weird way of bitching about how awful Christina was after she went to the men and negotiated a way to get them to help them out. You remember how awful those women were doing at the start of the game? I sure as hell do. I remember the women were just flat out helping themselves into the mens camp and sitting by their fire to the point the men had to tell them 'um....you're our enemy. You have to go.' And then I remember Chelsea getting all pissed off about it and sobbing about how cold her hands were and saying the men were just so mean for not just giving them free stuff. They were miserable. So Christina decided to help out the team by swallowing her pride and asking if the men would make them a fire and in return the ladies would roll up some palms. Sounded reasonable. So Alicia interviews how happy she is that they finally figured out a plan to get something they so desperately needed right? Of course not. Instead she complains that Christina is being too nicey nice and Alicia wants to weave the palms at her camp, not the mens.

Now I wasn't completely in love with the way the guys treated the women (stealing an ax, asking them to get naked and all that), but this was the only scene I can remember where the women actually made progress with getting the dumbasses to help them. I thought that was pretty cool, but Alicia was such a PoS that she decided to make the whole situation an issue. How and why would you take 'hey we're finally getting fire' into 'I want to punch Christina in the face for trying to make nice with the the other team'? That's what crappy people do.

Of course, she only got worse. She not only cackled hilariously at Coltons nasty comments, but actually tried to be a bigger shit stain then him. She deliberately tried to be the biggest headache she could be by leaving little to no room for Christina in the shelter, calling her nasty names, and even comparing her to her special needs students. Stay classy Alicia.

I'd say fuck her, but I'd hope people would have better standards then that.

Joel Anderson (Fans vs Favorites)

I said it once before and I'll say it again: Joel single-handedly destroyed his tribe way more than Russell Hantz ever did. And that infuriates me.

I was really rooting for the Fans in Micronesia. I truly was. I didn't want to see a whole season of the veterans mopping up the floor with the noobs. But thanks to Joel's shitty attitude, low IQ, and piss poor strategy, he couldn't of paved the roads for the favorites any better if he knocked out the kneecaps of his teammates with lead pipes.

There was zero sense...none...to keeping Chet over Mary and Mikey. I can appreciate taking out a threat in the game, but on day 6? What the fuck sense does it make? Mikey could not have phrased it any better: Joel was too busy playing a long-term game and not playing a team vs team game that would help keep his team united and help him later on down the road. And what was the huge plan that Joel became so intimated by it warranted an entire game suicide? A simple idol split. That's right. Parvati is partially a millionaire because Mikey had the kuh-razy idear to split the votes a specific way due to an idol. Not even a hidden idol. In other words, 'smart man make big sense. Smart man scare Joel! Help me team Joel team. Joel can't think too much cuz it make Joel brain itch.' I will not understand why you would want to make your majority alliance smaller and keep the minority alliance who hates you all over one meh move thought up by another guy.

And can I just take a minute to say how much I loooooooooove the fact that his poor strategic game came to bite him in the ass? He righteously got what he deserved. An early and humiliating kick in the ass on the way out the door by the very people he despised.

Oh yeah, and also all the douchey yelling. "CHET GET OUT OF THE WATER." "KATHY! STOP COMPLAINING AND DO SOME WORK" "CHET! STOP MAKING ME DRAG YOU THROUGH THE DEBRIS AND HITTING YOUR FACE ON POINTY STICKS! I'M JOEL! I'M SUCH A HUGE FAN OF THIS SHOW!" Idiot.....




That's Agent Lex's Top 10 most disliked Survivors.

Russell Hantz (Samoa, Heroes vs Villains, Redemption Island)

Here's the little hobbit.

Russell is a person you either really like or really dislike. If you're the delusional type of person who thinks Russell 'is the true winner' or have a 'bitter jury' concept then chances are we all know what camp you fall into.

Let me make it clear: I don't think Russell is a bad Survivor player. On the contrary, he's pretty good. But that's it. He's good. Not great, not amazing, not 'the Babe Ruth or Michael Jordan of Survivor.' A solid 7 out of 10 player. Maybe 8.5 on a good day. But nowhere near the caliber Russell and his followers believe.

And right there is the main issue with Russell. Russell wants credit for anything and everything he can get his tiny, gremlin hands on. There isn't anything wrong with taking pride in your accomplishments, but Russell's self-entitlement was so terrible and douchey, he couldn't keep it hidden from 2 juries. And that's the main reason why he lost and will never be a great player.

Russell's self-entitlement is so awful he even pats himself on the back for things he either a) didn't do on his own or b) aren't even that impressive. So you lied about being in a hurricane? Big deal. Frat boys do shit like that all the time to get laid at bars. You want all the glory for booting Marissa? Well shit man, call up Ghandia, Tijuana, and LaGrossa and let them know how amazing they are cause they pretty much threw a name out that their teams ate up with their seasons first boots too.

Shit, even finding an idol without clues isn't that impressive. You found it under a bridge and in a giant, fucking hole in a tree in the middle of your campsite. Anyone with the time on their hands that you had can do that. And now that people realize it can be done, Survivors are doing it left and right. Some in actual, real hiding places.

What makes Russell even worse is it's that asshole behavior that got us started with all the awful 'veterans vs noobs' trudge that Survivor is just now finding its way out of. Think about it, Russell doesn't act like a douche on Samoa, he doesn't get called back for HvV cause it's 'good TV' and doesn't gloat about beating Boston Rob at the reunion which doesn't prompt Rob to challenge him and 'kick his ass' out on the island and give the producers that shitty idea. Hope you remembered to give Russell a big thank you on his answering machine Rob.

And can we take a moment to just talk about how delusional this guy is? How can a guy be 0 and 2 and still boast that he's better than a player who's 2 and 2? How can you talk about having so much love and respect for the game and then say you only lost because it's broken? How can you lose season after season after season and still say you're game is perfect without learning a damned thing? I just....I can't...I don't understand how anyone can be this mental...


NaOnka Mixon (Nicaragua)

If I believed that NaOnka gave a shit about Survivor, I would probably think she just copied Jenna Morasca's strategy of ostracizing people she didn't care for and then multiplying her disdain for them 500 times too far. I'm not sure if anyone really has a memory of NaOnka that doesn't involve her being a complete bitch. Whenever she felt like she was being disrespected or didn't like a particular person, NaOnka sure made sure her opinion was heard loud and unclear. Oh yeah, and fuck whoever didn't like her attitude cause that's just the way she is. Translation: I can be as loud and obnoxious as I want cause it's your problem, not mine.

And that pretty much sums up everything NaOnka brought to the show, just a nasty attitude and a quit. She didn't like the people, she didn't appreciate the experience, and as I said, she didn't even care about Survivor in the first place. That might not of been so bad if it didn't take up 3/4ths of the season, but at least she was decent enough to quit on her own accord and spare us from even more of her garbage.

Colton Cumbie (One World, Blood vs Water)

The only thing that's worse than using racism as an excuse to justify your behavior is actually being a racist.

Okay, that's a little unfair, I don't actually believe Colton is a racist. I just think he's a really dumb kid who doesn't fully understand how to keep his mouth in check. Colton is a kid who spent the majority of his season whining. And I don't mean just the typical 'it rained so much and I'm coooooold' stuff we've grown accustomed to hearing at least once a season. I'm talking grade-A, top shelf, bring-out-the-good-cheese-and-pour-me-a-glass-of-that-high-quality whine. When he was on the mens tribe, he whined that he had nothing in common with any of them despite doing dick-all to try and fit in with them. When he hung out with the women's team, he eventually grated on their nerves so badly they had to send him away which led to another confessional of Colton whining that nobody liked him and he had no where to go. Finally, the tribes were reshuffled and Colton was put on a tribe with one of the person he got along best with: Alicia. So that should be enough to lighten his spirits right? Nope. After a brief whine that the other tribe has all the muscle and losing a challenge, Colton lets the power run to his head as he and Alicia bully the living shit out of Christina. I don't know what she did to deserve such hatred from the duo (as well as a few other castaways who had some awful comments about her), but when Colton gleefully told Christina to go lie down in the fire and cackled at his own hilarious joke, a ruptured appendix was just what I was hoping for (while he was on fire, but I'll take what I can get).

It isn't like he learned a lot when he returned for BvW either. After a couple interviews where he talks about how he hoped he could redeem his image, he spent the first interview crying about being away from Caleb for a whole 2 days and then crying about feeling like an outsider his whole life to crying that nobody wanted to strategize at camp to eventually crying himself out of the game entirely. Ugh....

Colton is the kind of person Joffery from Game of Thrones would be if you stripped away all his power and authority. He sucks. He sucks badly.



Brandon Hantz (South Pacific, Caramoan)

It's ironic isn't it? You come on Survivor to save the family name and yet you come out looking worse than the guy who fucked it up for you in the first place.

Brandon's....most memorable moment aside, he was awful. First off, I didn't have a care in the world about him being a Hantz. All families have that one member they wish to sweep under the rug before their boy/girlfriend gets to them. But Brandon wanted to be damned sure everyone got the memo that he was a totally different person. 'Hello America, yeah I'm a Hantz, but cross my heart I'm trying to be different.' 'As Russell's nephew, I feel a large amount of pressure to being on Survivor. I'm trying to play a completely different game then him.' 'I cut my hands at the challenge. Hey, speaking of Hantz, did I mention I am one. I got it tattooed on my back for Christ sake.' It just got stupid. And it's not even that interesting a character arc. 'Oh hey, that kid is totally different from another member of his family. That's only the plot point of every mediocre sitcom ever.'

Which made me really doubt all the religious talk was even real. It just seemed like he read a book written by a Twilight fanfiction writer on how to change your image to the world and it said 'oh yeah, be sure to mention how fond you are of the Christianity religion' so he made time for it in between his family tree chat. But it was worse then that. It turned out Brandon was totally sincere about the stuff he was saying. And hey, that's fine. However you wanna live and all that. But Brandon took the entire Catholic mindset and used it as his guiding thinking light. 'Mikayla is trying to seduce me with her hot body. As a Christian, I should vote her out so I don't stray.' C'mon Brandon. Don't use religion as a shield for your rape urges.

Brandon was also so weird with his thinking process too. I mean, did he ever once follow through with something he said he'd do? First he was never going to tell anyone he was a Hantz, then the guilt ate him up so he told them. In Caramoan, he walked around talking about how he wanted to quit the game and then a few edits later and he's talking about how he changed his mind again. And I'm sorry, but I've seen the episode 3 times and I'm still not entirely sure I know what would cause Brandon to think giving up immunity was a good  idea...at top 5

So yeah, all this combined with the ugliest moment in the history of the show earns Brandon a spot in the top 3 most disliked Survivors.


Corinne Kaplan (Gabon, Caramoan)

Corinne isn't a person who had a chance in hell of getting very high. She was nasty, rude, and unnecessarily pissy towards people who would nonchalantly say 'well I didn't really know who to vote for so I was gonna vote you just cause. (shrug).'

But no, Corinne gets this low for the exact reason you expect: her nasty comments aimed at Sugar. Allow me to refresh your memory:

'Sugar, you're an unemployed, uneducated leech on society and the only thing I would vote to give you is a handful of antidepressants so that no one else has to be subjected to your constant crying anymore and maybe if you got some then it would seem a little bit more sincere when you are crying about your dead father.'

That's bad enough on its own, but what I found even more infuriating was her pathetic excuse for it at the reunion show. Corinne explained that the reason she makes the comments we saw was because she's just one of those special gems that speaks her mind without using a filter like most people do. Whatever she thinks, it's what she says.

Um...first of all, no. That's the kind of bullshit people pull out of their ass when the cops ask them why they have pot in their glove compartment. People don't go throughout their day-to-day lives thinking 'okay brain, remember. Don't take the thing the person is most sensitive about and throw it into their face.' People Decent human beings just know not do that cause it's awful behavior. Second, what is the difference in filtering what you say to avoid certain topics and filtering what you say to make what you say hurt as much as possible. Just listen to what Corinne said. She obviously put some time into thinking about what she was gonna say and she obviously phrased it in a way to hurt as much as possible. You know, like she filtered it. Just another flawed argument from a flawed person.


Shamar Thomas (Caramoan)

Well so far, we're 5 entries in and 4 of them have been involved in the Caramoan season. That's not a coincidence CBS. Your casting sucked that season!

Does it really need to be said about Shamar? The guy maybe had 2 moments on camera where he wasn't a complete douche. Shamar was lazy, opinionated, loud, arrogant, rude, stupid, stubborn, immature, childish, worthless, and was only along for the ride as a tool. . Glad I got this guy fighting for my team -_-

Which I thinks says a lot about Shamar. I realize I'm only speculating and this is only going off an edit, but Shamar seems like one of those people who served time in the military and now feels entitled to everything life has to offer him. Not generalizing all war veterans, but we all know the type of person I'm talking about. Somebody did a few years living the hard life as a soldier, and then get back home to treat the world like their personal door mat and demand the respect from everyone they come in contact with. Shamar's attitude was awful and may he never return for a second season.

Phillip Sheppard (Redemption Island, Caramoan)

Over 400 players to choose from and yet the choice for 'most disliked, vile disgrace of a human being' couldn't of been more easy. There are many reasons to hate Phillip but I think what it all boils down too is he is not a person who loves Survivor; he's not a person who came to have an adventure; hell, I don't even think he gives a shit about winning a million dollars. He's just a man who loooooooooooves being in the spotlight (as if walking around in pink tighty whities isn't enough of a clue). He's a man who relishes in the in the sun and spouts dumb stupid shit cause it's the best way he can guarantee himself extra TV time. Every one of his personal interviews is about a vision he had or about whooping kids in basketball or how he's just so smart and everyone else doesn't respect him and blah blah blah. You can even see it in the way he performs in challenges: yelling 'tribal screams' at players (and fuck that editor who made it look like it was working) and his showboating behavior as he threw bags at boxes.

But Phillips not only a guy who loves to ear rape you by flapping his gums. No, his lack of IQ also makes him a terrible Survivor player. Now there isn't anything particularly wrong with being a bad Survivor player, some people just don't have the chops. But Phillip can't admit defeat, oh no, he has to go around and make everyone know he's right and you're wrong with his piss poor argument that he 'studied under the game of Boston Rob' which um...a) no you didn't, b) even if you did, it's not what you should be doing, c) even if you did, you're doing it wrong and a bunch of other flawed reasons that we don't have time or letters in the alphabet for.

But the worst thing, the WORST FUCKIN THING about Phillip is he's a man who does not accept responsibility for his actions. The perfect example were his accusations of racism towards Steve for having the gull to tell Phillip to stop being such lunatic. After making it his personal mission to make the former Zapatera members as miserable as he could by outcasting and verbally thrashing them on a regular basis, Phillip decides he's entitled to a portion of the rice they brought over despite the former Ometepe members not even sharing their shelter with them, because in Phillips world, it's only fair to share everything equally except for the stuff his team won on his own. When Steve steps up and tells him they should at least console another member of their group on it, Phillip responds the only way we expect Phillip too and goes fuckin ballistic. Steve tells Phillip to stop acting crazy and BOOM! Phillip is pulling out the race card and throwing a whole bunch of stupid bullshit to anyone willing to give him the time of day.

Now I want to be careful with the way I phrase this cause racism is a real thing and as a white male, I don't want to act as though I pretend to know more about it than people within the ethnic minority, but as someone with an opinion on this particular incident, I find this behavior atrocious. Phillip gets to yell, scream, kick, and whine all damned day about getting his way and when somebody finally calls him out on his behavior, Phillip gets out of it the only way he knows how by taking a sensitive subject like racism and throwing it back in their face. He doesn't have to explain his disgusting behavior, it puts the attention on somebody else; and Phillip gets to walk away feeling like he didn't do anything wrong. Oh yeah, and he goes ahead and steals the rice out of the container anyway cause hey, he's already made himself out to be an ass so he might as well go the full mile right?

Phillip isn't just the worst kind of Survivor, he's the worst kind of person. As Malcolm said, he takes the fun out of a game, not only for the players, but to the viewers as well. Fuck you Phillip Sheppard. I hope to never see you within 100 miles of this show ever again.

So there you are, the first entry in the ranking. Promise not all of them will be this long, but there is so much wrong with Phillip, it couldn't be explained in a single paragraph.

The Start of 'Every Survivor Ever' Ranking

So if it wasn't already clear, I love Survivor and I love rankings. So I decided now that Cagayan has ended, today seems just as good a time as any to announce the latest project I've been working on: the ranking of every single Survivor to ever play the game from my personal least to most favorite.

Here are the rules of the list:

1) This is strictly people I like based on what I've seen on the show and how I personally interpreted what I saw. Nothing to do with how the Survivor played strategically (although that can factor in on how I personally like or dislike somebody).

2) To keep things simple, the only thing that is considered is how a player was during the time on the TV show including the reunion. Nothing to do with their behavior on facebook/twitter/ect., where they are now, ponderosa, secret scenes, news footage, interviews outside the show, or edit. The reasoning is cause 1) there are simply too many Survivors for me to research and get a grasp on if their personality matches what we saw on the show and 2) even Survivors who do pull out the 'poor edit' card can't be taken at face value simply cause of all the reasons they may have to try and save face. This is strictly based on what was said and done while they were in the game. As a result, there may be Survivors I greatly dislike who may be perfectly awesome people and vice versa.

3) As time goes on, my opinion on players may change. Don't be surprised to see Survivors moved around from time to time.

The bottom of the barrel will be posted soon. I hope you enjoy ^_^

Survivor Winners Ranking

Survivor Winners Rank

3/24/15 update - Natalie Anderson is on


28th- Amber Brkich (Winner of the 8th season All Stars)

...or as she's more commonly known as: 'the girl who was sucking Boston Robs face.' And really, that pretty much sums up Ambers' game. After making deals, alliances, and promises with everyone in his Chapera and merged Chaboga Mogo tribe, Rob decided to keep his word to the young, pretty one dumb enough to let his unbrushed-for-10-days tongue down her throat. Who-da thunk? I've watched All Stars a share number of times in order to be fair to Amber. I've paid close attention, paused, rewound, and put the episodes in slow-mo and there wasn't anything. Nothing. Nada. Not a single decision that Amber made for herself that Rob did not think of first. And when given the opportunity to defend her game from a jury so furious at Rob they were grasping at any reason NOT vote for him, her answers were so pitiful and paper thin, you'd of thought they were a starving African child. Sorry babe, someones gotta be last and you fit the title of 'Survivors Worst Winner' like a glove



27th- Jud 'Fabio' Birza (Winner of the 21st season Nicaragua)

Mmmmmm. Look at those flowing, blond locks. The rockin bod. The downcast face. It's enough to make you want to eat ice cream off that six pack. Is it any wonder how he got a nickname like Fabio? But what Fabio has in good genes, he certainly lacks in IQ. Fabio benefited to being the luckiest winner ever by being the only dumb player in a season full of over-strategists. While Sash, Holly, Brenda, Jane, Marty, and Chase were busy chasing each others tails, no one thought to give the ganja smoking shmuck a glance until he began going on his immunity challenge run. It's the one thing he did that places him over Amber.




26th - Jenna Morasca (Winner of the 6th season Amazon)

Never have I seen a Survivor winner get to the end by making so many mistakes. Jenna was repulsive, rude, lazy, opinionated, and not the sharpest tool in the shed in Amazon. Her main contributions to winning were forming a bond with the one person who was equally as bitchy as her, winning two crucial immunity challenges, and being smart enough to take Matt to the end instead of Rob (and even then, she had a 50-50 chance of making the right choice). Aside from that, Jenna made it clear that she was only interested in forming relationships to the people she liked and were beneficial to her. If you weren't in her cool clique, well too bad Chad, she doesn't have time for you. She's got a hard enough life, what with her being pretty and all. And lets not forget how her loud, flapping gums almost screwed her out of her strongest ally at the surprise tribe switch with Dave. Jenna's game is riddled with holes and flaws, but she scraped just enough together to get herself into a 6-1 win.


25th- Ethan Zohn (Winner of the 3rd season Africa)

After 2 seasons of Survivor, Ethan had his whole game worked out. He would form relationships with his castmates, form a tight alliance with the people he liked, and go to the end with them. And.....that's pretty much how it ends. While Ethan had to endure one of the most difficult Survivor environments of all time, strategically he had probably the easiest run. The young Samburu members discriminated their older teammates that supplied easy leverage to sway; Kelly pulled a James Bond to sneak valuable information to keep her and his Boran alliance mates in the game; Brandon screwed up a key opportunity to overthrow his alliances' error; Kim won two key immunity challenges that ended up working in his favor; and Lex was too busy following orders from his tummy and being a douche about it thus keeping a lot of heat off Ethan. All key components that contributed to his win, but nothing he did directly.


24th - Tony Vlachos (Winner of the 28th season Cayauan)

Let me just be clear: Tony literally looking like the dick he was on the show has nothing to do with his low ranking. Tony has been givin a lot of praise for his work in Cagayan. Some say he's the new 'King of Survivor' and has even compared him to Russell Hantz.  But the truth is Tony was such a paranoid schizophrenic that half of his alliance members were nervously chatting about possibly booting him a lil bit earlier. When Tony began orchestrating blindsides behind their backs, some alliance members started to talk to the enemy about jumping ship. Luckily for Tony, his sidekick, Trish, was given the position of 'ease the nerves of Tony's victims' and would have to constantly reassure everyone that Tony was not the hitman he seemed to want to be because Tony's llama talk wasn't gonna get him anywhere. Tony also loses major points for being a repulsive tool who couldn't keep his mouth in check at times, blurting out to someone nicknamed 'Chaotic Kass' for God sakes that he had an idol in order to beat her in a squabble. Sorry Tony, but when your biggest moves are digging the most holes for idols, giving one of the worst FTCs ever, and winning back the trust of Asian Fabio, you're not gonna do better then bottom 5.


23rd- Chris Daughtry (Winner of the 9th season Vanuatu)

Yes, the man who came back from a 6-1 number disadvantage is in the bottom half of the list. On paper, Chris' win looks incredible. His Y-chromosome alliance was gone and he was left on his own to fend off six women and succeeded in making it to the end and winning. Many people say Chris pulled off this impossible task by being charming, savvy, and intelligent. The thing many people seem to forget was Twila practically having to spell out the move he had to do in small, drawn out words to get it through his skull. His pitch to Eliza wasn't exactly a great sell either. That's right, the great switch that turned the game on his head? The one we all praise Chris for? He didn't even think it up. Sure he was the one who actually got Eliza to agree to his poor pitch, but he was only playing a part to Twila's plan. Twila used Chris as a pawn to get herself and Scout back in the numbers and the only reason Chris is a millionaire over her is cause Twila can't hold a bow back for as long as Chris. That isn't to say Chris doesn't have game but it's nothing to write home about.

22nd - James 'JT' Thomas Jr (Winner of the 18th season Tocantins)

Cute, ain't he? And charming too. Were you happy when he won Tocantins? Well so was everyone else apparently cause JT is the only player to have a number of castaways speak about how much they would just loooooooooooove to see JT win. And their actions showed it when the Timbira members practically shoved each other out of the way in order to be the first to offer him a Final 3 deal despite having the numbers advantage at merge. And that's where JT's biggest flaw in his win shows. Using charm and charisma is a valid and respectable strategy, but JT did is so well it kept him from having to make any really hard decisions. He was never at any real disadvantage and because of his high number of immunity wins, he was never really in any danger as well. Without having to take any risks or play much of a mental game, JT can only get as high as 21 in the winners rank list.

21st- Aras Baskauskas (Winner of the 12th season Exile Island)

You know, I originally had the golden boy pegged as a mixed bag winner, but in order for that to occur, you need to be able to pull of some good moves. Aras...doesn't seem to have many and that kinda surprised me. In fact, I think the most impressive thing about Aras' game was being able to survive off no food, little sleep, extreme levels of discomfort, and get all the way to day 39 with the biggest group of varied, random weirdos you could only find in a Saturday morning cartoon. I'll give Aras his credit: his ability to form relationships, mainly Cirie, got him out of a few tough spots but it was doesn't change the fact that it was Cirie who obtained the critical info and without her, Aras didn't have much of a plan B. He couldn't win an immunity over Terry and hell, he couldn't even win a final immunity challenge to guarantee himself a spot in the finals. Instead, he was at the mercy of Danielle where he gave her a BS guilt trip over why he should be the one to go to the end (and we're not even sure if that helped him).

20th - Bob Crowley (Winner of the 17th season Gabon)

I've previously chastised people who have said Bob did nothing except ally himself with Sugar who was going through a difficult time with her father passing away. While I do think Bob deserves more credit then people give him, I can't deny Bob is on the weaker tier of players who got his win with more luck then skill. His hard work and likable personality is what got him into the Onion Alliance, but it was the luck of the double tribal switch that separated him from them and kept him alive. He was smart enough to integrate himself in Matty and Sugars alliance by giving a fake idol to ex-ally Randy (and with enough skill to make the idol look real enough to pull it off), but it was luck that Kenny and Crystals arrogance is what grated on Sugar enough to boot them before him. And while he ended up at the Final Tribal Council, he was lucky that Sugar played a stronger case for him then he did. Throw in a few key immunity challenge wins and you have an average player at worst.





19th - Richard Hatch (Winner of the 1st season Borneo)

That's right! I'm calling it! The most overrated season of Survivor also has the most overrated winner. Richard Hatch gets an unreal amount of credit for being the only person to think up a strategy that could've been thought of one more season later. Yes, he was the only person on the season to figure it out. Yes, he was one of the few people to not consider alliances 'something evil,' but c'mon people! Is it really so hard to figure out the concept of  'get a group to all vote in a majority' in a game about voting? I'm sorry, but I just have a hard time believing that had Richard not of discovered the idea of alliances, no one in the millions of people that watched and then applied for season 2 (or at most 3) would've created what Hatch is known for now. What's more, Richard has shown us how well he is when he's within a group of players who know what the hell they're doing when he played in All Stars. I think we all know how that one turned out.



18th - 'Boston Rob' Mariano (Winner of the 22nd season Redemption Island)

Speaking of overrated, here we have the legendary Boston Rob, the man many regard as the best Survivor of all time. I agree that the man is as very good player. He brought a higher level of strategy and social skills with him every time he played. His win in Redemption Island was flawless. He put everyone in his tribe against the few who were (justifiably) threatened by his presence. He made sure everyone completely disregarded the Zapetera members as leeches who's only purpose of talking to anyone within his Ometepe alliance were to turn them against one another. He made perfect, concrete, believable stories to everyone that he wanted to take them to the end with him. And he succeeded in making it the the Final Tribal Council with the only two people on the season he had a chance at beating. Yet, you can't help but be so much less impressed by all that when you know Boston Rob was on his 4th time playing on a season with people who had never played the game before. He was also blessed by the casting gods by being on a team with Phillip Sheppard, a man who made it his sole duty to be the biggest train wreck of a person he could manage, thus taking a lot of heat off Rob and putting a lot of negative attention onto himself.



17th - John Cochran (Winner of the 26th season Caramoan)

Like Boston Rob, Cochran was a player that played a very strong game in his season. But that win is greatly diminished when you realize he was put on a team who knew and liked him before the season even began. This has always been the main problem with casting multiple veterans in a season: so many people know each other within the Survivor circles and communication over plans and side deals are inevitable. It's even worse when you throw a group of first timers into the mix because they do not have that same advantage. Also like Boston Rob, Cochran was able to use the Phillip Sheppard shield and let him loudly and aggressively be the leader of the alliance, soaking up all the focus and negative attention upon himself while Cochran smiled on the sideline, a strategy only as obvious as 'be in the majority.' In fact, I'd say the only main difference in Boston Rob and Cochrans gameplay is Boston Rob played four times against a complete group of noobs while Cochran only played twice with half a group of veterans (some of these veterans actually pretty good).






16th - Natalie Anderson (Winner of the 29th season San Juan del Sur)

Huh. 'Be invisible til the end' is such a deceptively simple strategy I wonder why no one has done it up until now. Nearly all of Natalie's game seemed to revolve around staying in the majority, keeping her head down, and building relationships until it was the key time to pull the trigger. When Missy decided it was better to stay true to Jon, Natalie was able to use her relationship with Baylor to help out her game and take out her biggest threat. Then, with Jaclyn on the outs, Natalie used her vote to make another big move and finally give the season the pulse it so desperately needed. Knowing Jaclyn and Missy had too many enemies and not enough game, all Natalie had to do was flash those dimples of hers and list the 2 or 3 big moves she made to claim her check.



15th- Todd Herzog (Winner of the 15th season China)

Todd came a long way from being 'the little boy that dreamed of being on Survivor' to becoming one of the youngest winners ever. But like JT and Bob, there is too much luck and not enough skill in his game to rank him any higher. Todd was never really in any sort of danger, so there was never really any difficult decisions he had to make. His Fei Long tribe dominated the Zhan Hu team until the player switch where the new Zhan Hu tribe played the incredibly smart strategy of throwing immunity challenges a total of one whole time. Gaining the numbers at merge time, Jaime, Frosti, Erik, and Peih Gee were all easy picking for Todd and his alliance until he easily made Final Tribal Council and made an ass-kissing speech so well spoken, Chris Daughtry would've shed a tear. Todds' game wasn't without errors either as he made bad decisions such as ever so graciously letting Amanda be the one to try and steal immunity from Peih Gee while he chose to suck down burgers and watch.  A decent winner with a decent game.

14th- Parvati Shallow (Winner of the 16th season Fans vs Favorites)

Ugh. As much as I might despise this woman, I can't deny that Parvati is one of the strongest players in the Survivor roster. In Fans vs Favorites, she demonstrated her strong social skills of building players up and forming connections before cutting them loose and not a bad challenge performer either.However, it doesn't change the fact that Parvati had a huge advantage going into Micronesia since half the cast either quit or starstruck to the point of committing game suicide. To give credit where it's due, Parvati had a few rough obstacles to overcome between Ozzy, Cirie, and Amanda, but let's not forget she's been on record to admitting she was planning on there being a Final 3 Tribal Council where her and Amanda would most likely have to watch Cirie be crowned the million dollars. She was also blessed to be on a season where her competition was so brain dead and enamored with her they were asking about her sex life disguised as jury questions. A solid game player to be sure, but it's easy to stand tall when you're surrounded by hobbits.




13th- Tyson Apostol (Winner of the 27th season Blood vs Water)

The strongest veterans vs newcomers winner in my opinion. Mainly because we finally had some newcomers who were actually pretty good. So good in fact, that some of them were actually able to put their thinking caps on and figure out maybe they shouldn't put their game in the hands of the powerful, ringleader calling all the shots and probably didn't have all their best intentions at heart. But Tyson was always able to stay one step ahead of everyone else by keeping certain hidden idol shaped advantages out of other peoples hands and keeping tight bonds with the people he felt would be beneficial towards him. The biggest example being his relationship with Ciera coming through for him when she tattled on Caleb and Hayden. And even though he had a problem keeping his mouth in check at times, Tyson was able to fix any damage done with a strong, solid Final Tribal Council. Good winner, strong player. If only it didn't take him two previous trial and errors to get there.




12th- Vecepia Towery (Winner of the 4th season Marquesas)

I sum up Vecepia's game the same way as everyone else does: under the radar. Unlike everyone else though, I find Vecepia's method of 'under-the-radar-ness' to be very crafty. Maybe even dangerous. She managed to scrap together just enough to get herself into the merge with her and her ex Maaramu tribemates at a pretty bad number disadvantage. However, while Rob and Sean were busy making side deals, getting caught, cussing everyone out, and committing game suicide upon themselves, Vecepia made sure she was making a social connection with everyone she possibly could and learning about them. She learned where they stood in their alliances', what they intended to do, how they thought, what their plans were, and how she could use this information to work the best angle she could for herself when the opportunity was right. Shortly after watching her win her season, Matt Nix came up with the idea of the TV series Burn Notice and would fly out to Hollywood to pitch his idea. True story. Unfortunately for Vee though, she was also given one of the luckiest breaks of all time with the coconut challenge that all but pinned a flashing number of the order in which the Rotu 4 planned to vote out their tribemates. Still, her subtle social game is not to be unappreciated.

11th- Sophie Clark (Winner of the 23rd season South Pacific)

Sophie is often considered one of the weaker winners for doing, what many are calling, "nothing." What's so ironic about that is the people who believe this aren't entirely incorrect, but Sophie had to do so much in order to stay in the position of doing "nothing." Sophie had at least a Final 5 deal wrapped up on her first night with the perfect group of people for her (perfect meaning for her to win. Not perfect to her sanity). Rick came off as worthless, Albert came off as sleazy, and Coach and Brandon were too busy trying to pass themselves off as disciples of Jesus for anyone to take seriously. Add a twice "redempted" Ozzy and you have a threat to take all the focus away from you and Sophie was a sure thing to win so long as Ozzy didn't make it to finals. The main issue? Her main ally Albert. Albert was so damned eager to rock the boat and stray from their original agreements and while that may have been good for Albert, it was disastrous to Sophie's game. Sophie had to constantly yank hard on Albert's leash and tell him to be a good boy all for her own best interests of course. And if that's not enough for you haters, consider this: Sophie is a first timer winner who beat two three-time returning veterans. Once by outplaying Coach and once by outperforming Ozzy. That's impressive.




10th- Tina Wesson (Winner of the 2nd season Australian Outback)

Unlike Hatch, Tina's a winner who had to figure out how to win with a group of people who figured out long ago the proper way to play Survivor which made Australia miles ahead of Borneo in terms of strategy (as well as every season after that). With nearly everyone copying the Hatch method and jumping into alliances of some way shape or form, Tina went beyond that and relied on people she could trust and building upon those relationships. This was key with her partnership with Colby who decided it was better to lose to Tina then win against the much more disliked Keith. Tina loses a few points due to the luck of God hating Michael Skupin, but in my opinion, she is the first Survivor to win the game in it's truest form, thus making it into the top 10.




9th - Brian Heidik (Winner of the 5th season Thailand)

Or as I like to call him "Redemption Island Rob without the 4th attempt." Brian is such a fascinating example because his game was near flawless. Forming an alliance with everyone on his team; pitching a sub-alliance story to everyone within that alliance that involved them in a Final 2 in why it was in their best interests to not stray from it; and brought the one person to the end the jury wanted to see lose more than him after he betrayed them all. That's a lot of solid tap dancing to do without getting caught but if anyone could've pulled it off, it's the car salesman. The only flaw in Brian's game was spending so much time building fake relationships and not enough time forming real ones. It was a mistake that nearly cost him his million dollar check as was evident at the Final Tribal Council (Penny: "Brian, do I have any brothers or sisters?"   Brian: "Uuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh.....") . What keeps Brian from getting any higher on the list is his game was so perfect, he didn't have any major hardships to overcome. He was never at a numbers disadvantage, he was never in a minority vote, and he never had anyone try to go against him. Yes, a lot of that was due to his careful strategic planning and I realize the stupidity in saying 'he gets this low because of how good he was' but almost every winner ranked above Brian had to play just just as hard a strategic game as he did plus overcome a game disadvantage that was not necessarily that players fault.




8th- Kim Spradlin (Winner of the 24th season One World)

Or as I like to call her 'Redemption Island Rob without the 4th attempt and Brian Heidik without the sleaze.' To me Brian was the one to play the nearly game perfectly for a long time, but Kim actually succeeded in pulling it off. Not only does Kim manage to do everything Brian accomplished in Thailand, but she was able to improve upon it. Like Brian, she fed everyone a story of how she wanted to go the Finals with them and why taking her was in their best interest. Unlike Heidik, Kim did it in two different tribes she was a part of. Kim also had to deal with alliance members growing suspicious and paranoid of her true intentions and Kim was forced to keep the ship steady in order to keep herself and her allies out of danger. But even without all that, what I think worked best for Kims game (and is probably the most surprising realization if you think about it) is Survivor was not a 'business trip' for her but a real experience where she formed true bonds with the people she lived with.

7th- Natalie White (Winner of the 19th season Samoa)

I've previously mentioned my disgust towards people who slap Natalie with the 'worst winner evaaaar' label. Mainly cause most of those people don't see anything past Natalie's game other than Russell's dumbass girl. This is completely false info. It's not a matter of opinion or whether you liked Russell or not. It's just complete, dumb, incorrect info. It's like saying 'Twilight is the greatest love story ever written, but that's just my opinion.' You're just wrong. Not even close. It's simple: she made an alliance with Russell and realized that all the players making aggressive plays against him were being targeted and sent home. Like a good Survivor player, she adjusted her gameplay accordingly and made a conscious decision to play in a way that Russell would not find threatening and take her to the end. Russell thought he was controlling her, but in reality it was Natalie controlling him and he had no idea until the FTC. That's a smart play and she explained it perfectly in her FTC. Russell may have outwitted and outplayed most of the Survivor players in Samoa, but Natalie only had to outplay one.

6th- Danni Boatwright (Winner of the 11th season Guatemala)

There's something beautiful about a hottie stuck in Guatemala with a group of nutjobs and being able mind-rape each one of them by turning their paranoia against them and being a better person than Judd (which admittedly is easier to do then getting sunburn while walking on the sun). When she was the last woman standing in her alliance, she bought herself extra time by winning key immunities and used it to observe the cracks in her opponents. After voting out Jamie, she used the unstable minds of Judd and Cindy to her advantage to plant seeds of doubt into the paranoid Stephanie, the holier-than-thou Rafe, and the 'treat-her-like-cannon-fodder-and-make-sure-she-knows-it-cause-whats-the-worst-that-can-happen-to-us' Lydia. Despite being all  by herself, Danni used mind manipulation and important challenge victories to land herself in just a dream of a F2 FTC situation against Lagrossa who at some point said 'fuck it, I'm ok with 2nd' and screwed herself as badly as she could.

5th- Denise Stapley (Winner of the 25th season Philippines)

Does it really need to be said? For starters, I don't know any other player who has been to every tribal council before getting to the end and winning. Second, the woman is over 40 years old. Older players, especially women, seldom get anything other then the 'weak link' edit before getting voted out somewhere around episode 5. Denise had a lot to prove physically and she achieved it not only with her dying Matsing tribe, but being the minority of Kalabaw as well. That in by itself is impressive. Speaking of, Denise had remained in the majority of 3 separate tribe. Three different groups and combinations of people and Denise managed to do well enough to keep herself alive and neglect making herself a target. And while Denise may get criticized for explaining (correctly) why certain terrible personalities are terrible, she was able to clean up her mess well enough to earn back any votes she could've potentially lost. No harm, no foul.

4th- Earl Cole (winner of the 14th season Fiji)

Earl gets the 4th place ranking for winning on a season that was filled with nutjobs, difficult obstacles to overcome, and more nutjobs. First, he was placed on the Ravu tribe, a tribe that is still remembered as one of the worst tribes of all time. Still, Earl picked all the right allies for himself to keep himself around until the tribe switch up. Next was the issue of the Four Horsemen alliance, their idol, and Dreamz who's word was a flimsy as his choice in nicknames and the way he spells them. With a surprise,challenge twist costing him one of his most loyal allies, Earl was forced to sit down and really think hard for what his next best move should be. He pulled in Boo and Stacy which proved to be one of the best ideas as they would help him orchestrate the best blindside of all time, take out Edgardo, and gain the advantage back. And with the luck of Dreamz doing the dirty work for him, Earl was able to easily win in a 9-0-0 vote by giving the best Final Tribal Councils I've ever seen (some say it would've been a blowout loss for Earl if he had gone to the end with Yauman like he was planning too, but I'm not so sure it woul've been the landslide loss everyone thinks). And if you're still on the fence about Earl being a good player, I have three words for you: '...it's a turtle?'

3rd- Tom Westman (Winner of the 10th season Palau)

You know what I love most about Tom? That he was able to be such a huge badass and still win. Survivor is one of those games where putting yourself front in center and displaying the power of your awesome-ness is considered bad strategy. But like his poor ability to handle his liquor, Tom was unable to conceal it. So what's a badass to do? For starters, you form strong bonds and relationships with everyone you can, including annoying and possibly psychotic outcasts like Caryn and Janu. Then, when people in alliances start to waiver away, calmly remind them that they have sucked thus far in challenges and you'll be a rough thorn in their side for the rest of their days (it may sound weird, but one of my favorite scenes is of Tom warning Katie not to stray off with the girls in a business like fashion only to have Katie ruin the moment by whining 'Tom sucks todaaaaaay' in her voiceover). Lastly, be intelligent and weigh out the risk and reward of the decisions you make like pulling rocks when you realize you are no longer in control. Even with a target on his back the size of a small country, Tom showed he had the brains to match his brawns and will remain in my Top 5 best winners list for a long time.

2nd- Yul Kwon (winner of the 13th season Cook Islands)

I see so many Survivor Winner lists with an asterisk next to Yul because of that 'overpowered idol' garbage. I'm not saying the idol wasn't a huge piece to Yul's victory, but it certainly isn't the 'you may automatically pass Go and automatically collect one million dollars' free pass that everyone says it was. For proof, just look at Terry Deitz for a perfect example on how not to use it. The truth is, the idol was still an important tool that needed careful planning in order to obtain the most usage one could from it. Yul succeeded in this when swaying Penner over, a play that could've seriously backfired on him. And if that's not enough proof, I don't think the idol was what gave Yul awesome persuasion power when convincing Cao Boi to vote Cecilia over Becky (a move that could've changed Yuls whole game) and I don't think the idol forced the jury members to vote for Yul over Ozzy, a competitor with just as strong a chance of winning as Yul did. Regardless, Yul has played one of the strongest strategic games of all time and deserves his rank as one of Survivors best winners.

1st- Sandra Diaz-Twine (winner of the 7th and 20th seasons Pearl Islands and Heroes vs Villains)

No matter how many ways you slice it, when you're 2 for 2 in your Survivor games, you're somebody to be reckoned with. And yet it never ceases to amaze me the amount of stupidity that omits from peoples mouths when they disregard Sandra as a floater who must be giving Jesus 15% of her paycheck every day since He loves her enough to aid her in falling ass backwards into a million dollars.....twice. To me, that makes about as much sense as people who deny that the holocaust ever happened. For one, Sandra has the challenge performance of someone who would normally go home premerge, with or without an alliance. Second, she  doesn't depend on idols as a main method of making sure she makes it through every Tribal Council. Just pure, plain strategy and debate. She has enough personality to make you want her around, uses just enough aggression to keep you from taking advantage of her, and is bright enough not to shove herself to fair in center stage to make people want to pay closer attention to you. She's simply a crafty thinker who can go toe-to-toe with the best of them on their best day and make you look like a moron in the process (I'm looking at you Fairplay and Russell). Yes, she's like every Survivor player in the game and has made mistakes and had some outcomes turn out against her favor, but this latina gets more derecho then she does incorrecto.