Survivor Round Up
So if Blogger.com is to be believed, I started this Survivor rank a little over a year ago and so far we've got.....50 Survivors in the bank.
So progress isn't exactly going at Sonic the Hedgehog speed but I still plan on chipping away. And 50 seems like a solid number to do a brief wrap up of who my most disliked Survivors.
1) Phillip Sheppard (Redemption Island, Caramoan)
Saturday, August 1, 2015
Tuesday, July 28, 2015
Alicia Calaway (Australia, All Stars)
Alas, another beloved player of mine who turned into an ugly bitter Betty on her 2nd play through.
How could you not love Alicia in Australia? Interestingly, she's one of the few women in Survivor history to be voted out for being a physically strong competitive threat to go along with her spunk and personality. She was a pretty solid player that was a nice addition to the amazing Australia cast. Unlike Jenna L, there was a lot of sense in asking Alicia back for another season.
Unfortunately, she was also a big addition to the biggest group of sore losers along with her leader Lex. Unlike Lex, who sounded as though he was trying to make an argument to a cause he believed in (stupid, petty, and wrong as it was), Alicia just came off as plain ol' pissy. And she turned into one more lady in my life to break my heart when the game show power of jury member fueled her flames as she aggressively berated Amber and Boston Rob in a rant that she must've practiced in a mirror at least a dozen times. Finally, she slammed the final nail in the 'suck' coffin when she cast her voted an spat a final, venomous 'fuck you' to Rob in a vote confession that sounded so rehearsed, it just threw her into a dimension of pathetic that she will never be able to recover from.
Jamie Newton (Guatemala)
Shannon Elkins (Nicaragua)
What's up man-named-Shannon?
I'm sure going to the gym 6 hours a day and having a mother telling him how special he was made Shannon truly believe he was some sort of alpha male on his team cause he sure as hell did everything he could to show it off. But the only thing he had to show for it was a mouth that ran way too much. At first, there wasn't anything worth remembering him for. Typical 'Chase is watching her feelings cause she's a woman' crap.
Then the TC we know him for. Probst asks the usual 'hows it going so far Shannon' and Shannon just let loose. First he attempts to de-masculate Chase by calling Brenda his girlfriend, said he doesn't get any loyalty from 'home boy', and going the 15 year old route of calling Sash gay and the girls he's hooked up with are so much hotter then his. Alpha male bro...
Natalie Bolton (Fans vs Favorites)
A quick hypothetical: what if a group of men formed an alliance and began picking a group of ladies off one by one? In the process of doing so, the man alliance met up after every TC and laughed about how awesome they were because of how much more physically and mentally stronger they were then women. Saying 'if you can't beat them with these (points at bicep) then you can always beat them with these (points at head)." Seems kind of douche-y right? Now if you reverse the gender, you'd have the Black Widow alliance of Parvati, Cirie, Amanda, and Natalie. And everyone thought it was just sooooooooo awesome. -_-
I have no problem with women dominating in Survivor. Hell, I think overall they play the better game strategically and socially. However, I do have a problem with boasting about how incredibly smart and superior you are because you're gender is better then the other whether you be male or female.
So what does this have to do with Natalie? Well up until her alliance formed with Parvati, Amanda, and Cirie, Natalie had been pretty much invisible. Then she had a weird confessional out of the blue about how she's able to be more of herself because she's able to....backstab more.
Okay, so shes happy that she's more involved in the game. That's fine. But then she had all these odd sayings like how 'even though women are evil and manipulative, they totally are good people because we want people to have a good birthday which is why we're voting out James over Erik.' Um....what? You expect me to believe you're not voting for someone else because you're a considerate person in a vote where you have absolutely no stakes on the line? And you bring up the fact that it's a woman thing because...?
And now that she was getting more airtime, we were able to get a bigger grasp on her personality. And while I'm sure it was endearing for some, it came across as snobby and very unlikable for me. The best example I can think of is the chocolate cake item she got to share at an auction in which she turned around and barked 'okay Alexis, Cirie, do NOT hog the cake cuz I'm in a mood!' Ugh....
Lastly, there's the jury question: 'Hey Parvati. Lookin hot as hell today. So my question is how do you interpret how you play the game into the bedroom. Lolz.' Really Natalie? Why does being a jury member turn you into a frat guy trying to get laid? Weren't you on a team called 'fans'? Get her number after the show and quit being a pathetic star-struck mess and try being a fuckin Survivor player.
How could you not love Alicia in Australia? Interestingly, she's one of the few women in Survivor history to be voted out for being a physically strong competitive threat to go along with her spunk and personality. She was a pretty solid player that was a nice addition to the amazing Australia cast. Unlike Jenna L, there was a lot of sense in asking Alicia back for another season.
Unfortunately, she was also a big addition to the biggest group of sore losers along with her leader Lex. Unlike Lex, who sounded as though he was trying to make an argument to a cause he believed in (stupid, petty, and wrong as it was), Alicia just came off as plain ol' pissy. And she turned into one more lady in my life to break my heart when the game show power of jury member fueled her flames as she aggressively berated Amber and Boston Rob in a rant that she must've practiced in a mirror at least a dozen times. Finally, she slammed the final nail in the 'suck' coffin when she cast her voted an spat a final, venomous 'fuck you' to Rob in a vote confession that sounded so rehearsed, it just threw her into a dimension of pathetic that she will never be able to recover from.
Jamie Newton (Guatemala)
The person who came closest to matching Judd's level of shit.
Jamie just wasn't a good person on the show. I first picked up on it when he voiced his dislike for Brianna by saying 'I like girls crazy and pretty. She's neither....' Huh. Sure your teammate on the outs of the group appreciated that one Jamie. Then there was the constant taunting like when he shrieked 'WHO'S SMILING NOW' to the losing team. So he's a pretty shit winner. More? Alright, what about the whining and bitching he did when the opposing team came over and nicely asked if they were interested in having a birthday party at their camp and relax for a day. Of course Jamie had to have a problem with this and whined about the enemy coming on their turf and it's stupid to go mingle with the enemy and typical douche-y shit. Is it any wonder Bobby Jon got all crazy-eyed at this turd?
He also had a pretty weird idea of competing. Twice in the season, his team lost the match by a lot. Like it would take everyone a good couple of minutes to watch them get to the end. But Jamie, with some sort of competitive pride on the line, said 'no we're gonna finish! We're gonna finish' which caused his teammates to roll their eyes and mention the pointless-ness expending valuable energy to a challenge that was already over.
Shannon Elkins (Nicaragua)
What's up man-named-Shannon?
I'm sure going to the gym 6 hours a day and having a mother telling him how special he was made Shannon truly believe he was some sort of alpha male on his team cause he sure as hell did everything he could to show it off. But the only thing he had to show for it was a mouth that ran way too much. At first, there wasn't anything worth remembering him for. Typical 'Chase is watching her feelings cause she's a woman' crap.
Then the TC we know him for. Probst asks the usual 'hows it going so far Shannon' and Shannon just let loose. First he attempts to de-masculate Chase by calling Brenda his girlfriend, said he doesn't get any loyalty from 'home boy', and going the 15 year old route of calling Sash gay and the girls he's hooked up with are so much hotter then his. Alpha male bro...
Natalie Bolton (Fans vs Favorites)
A quick hypothetical: what if a group of men formed an alliance and began picking a group of ladies off one by one? In the process of doing so, the man alliance met up after every TC and laughed about how awesome they were because of how much more physically and mentally stronger they were then women. Saying 'if you can't beat them with these (points at bicep) then you can always beat them with these (points at head)." Seems kind of douche-y right? Now if you reverse the gender, you'd have the Black Widow alliance of Parvati, Cirie, Amanda, and Natalie. And everyone thought it was just sooooooooo awesome. -_-
I have no problem with women dominating in Survivor. Hell, I think overall they play the better game strategically and socially. However, I do have a problem with boasting about how incredibly smart and superior you are because you're gender is better then the other whether you be male or female.
So what does this have to do with Natalie? Well up until her alliance formed with Parvati, Amanda, and Cirie, Natalie had been pretty much invisible. Then she had a weird confessional out of the blue about how she's able to be more of herself because she's able to....backstab more.
Okay, so shes happy that she's more involved in the game. That's fine. But then she had all these odd sayings like how 'even though women are evil and manipulative, they totally are good people because we want people to have a good birthday which is why we're voting out James over Erik.' Um....what? You expect me to believe you're not voting for someone else because you're a considerate person in a vote where you have absolutely no stakes on the line? And you bring up the fact that it's a woman thing because...?
And now that she was getting more airtime, we were able to get a bigger grasp on her personality. And while I'm sure it was endearing for some, it came across as snobby and very unlikable for me. The best example I can think of is the chocolate cake item she got to share at an auction in which she turned around and barked 'okay Alexis, Cirie, do NOT hog the cake cuz I'm in a mood!' Ugh....
Lastly, there's the jury question: 'Hey Parvati. Lookin hot as hell today. So my question is how do you interpret how you play the game into the bedroom. Lolz.' Really Natalie? Why does being a jury member turn you into a frat guy trying to get laid? Weren't you on a team called 'fans'? Get her number after the show and quit being a pathetic star-struck mess and try being a fuckin Survivor player.
Friday, June 19, 2015
Mookie Lee (Fiji)
And the Fiji cast takes another hit.
The nicest thing I can say about Mookie is that he's a less douche-y version of Rocky. Rocky was 'super roid rage angry lunatic' douche while Mookie was more of your typical frat guy douche. But that didn't make him any less shitty.
And....that really sums up 85% of everything there was to Mookie. From mocking old man Yauman at the challenge to showboating his win against a struggling opponent in a gross food eating challenge to allying himself with people that are slightly less scummy then he was, there was nothing to root for in Mookie.
Daniel Lue (Amazon)
Huh. Hadn't realized up until now that I had two douche-y Asians in a row. That's kinda awkward.
Daniel is disliked for being a slighty less intense version of Mookie. But he was still a massive tool. His entire team pretty much summed him up as worthless in camp which made him a target early. And...ugh...look I can't say the Amazon season men made me proud of my gender but Daniel still managed to make himself stand out by acting incredibly embarrassing. Shaking the hands of all the hotties and awkwardly introducing yourself aside, he came off as pretty shitty when boasted about how full him and his team were from all the fish they were eating (I think he felt full from the bullshit personally) because he thought he was being 'hilarious' (cuz chicks love a guy who will kick them while they're down cuz it's funny)..
He was the 3rd one voted out for a reason.
Chet Welch (Fans vs Favorites)
Let me tell you all about the legacy of Survivor Chet Welch:
Huge, long time fan of the show Chet Welch finally made his dream come true. He was on his favorite show ever, Survivor. But his luck in the game was a Survivor fan nightmare. He was in a 7-3 minority group at the start and his team wasn't doing very well against the skilled veterans in challenges. And it was even worse for Chet since he had the challenge performer of a blind amputee in a wheelchair with down syndrome. But Chet was blessed with the lucky breaks of all lucky breaks: he was put on a tribe with a crazy man called Joel. Despite the horrible disadvantage it put Joel in, Chet was able to survive two Tribal Councils even though he was put on the chopping block for sucking in the challenges (under the weak answer 'no, I think I did okay even though I clearly didn't.')
But a tribe switch left him with only one ally: Tracy and he was once again put in harms way. But luck struck Chet yet again when a blindside began taking place that would ally veterans with noobs, take out a key power player, and give Chet a whole new breath of fresh life in the game long term. So how did this fan react? How did he take this second miracle that would help him in the game and also make this season a million times better?
He quit.
Yup. Turns out sucking in the game of Survivor really was hard on Chet. He was hungry, tired, miserable, and wanted to go home. This so called huge fan gave up when a huge opportunity fell in his lap and he did nothing but be a huge waste of space in the tribe (and he can't even admit that). And what really pisses me off? He couldn't even do it for his ally Tracy who stuck by him despite it being a terrible move for her and never swaying. I will always dislike Chet for that.
And the Fiji cast takes another hit.
The nicest thing I can say about Mookie is that he's a less douche-y version of Rocky. Rocky was 'super roid rage angry lunatic' douche while Mookie was more of your typical frat guy douche. But that didn't make him any less shitty.
And....that really sums up 85% of everything there was to Mookie. From mocking old man Yauman at the challenge to showboating his win against a struggling opponent in a gross food eating challenge to allying himself with people that are slightly less scummy then he was, there was nothing to root for in Mookie.
Daniel Lue (Amazon)
Huh. Hadn't realized up until now that I had two douche-y Asians in a row. That's kinda awkward.
Daniel is disliked for being a slighty less intense version of Mookie. But he was still a massive tool. His entire team pretty much summed him up as worthless in camp which made him a target early. And...ugh...look I can't say the Amazon season men made me proud of my gender but Daniel still managed to make himself stand out by acting incredibly embarrassing. Shaking the hands of all the hotties and awkwardly introducing yourself aside, he came off as pretty shitty when boasted about how full him and his team were from all the fish they were eating (I think he felt full from the bullshit personally) because he thought he was being 'hilarious' (cuz chicks love a guy who will kick them while they're down cuz it's funny)..
He was the 3rd one voted out for a reason.
Chet Welch (Fans vs Favorites)
Let me tell you all about the legacy of Survivor Chet Welch:
Huge, long time fan of the show Chet Welch finally made his dream come true. He was on his favorite show ever, Survivor. But his luck in the game was a Survivor fan nightmare. He was in a 7-3 minority group at the start and his team wasn't doing very well against the skilled veterans in challenges. And it was even worse for Chet since he had the challenge performer of a blind amputee in a wheelchair with down syndrome. But Chet was blessed with the lucky breaks of all lucky breaks: he was put on a tribe with a crazy man called Joel. Despite the horrible disadvantage it put Joel in, Chet was able to survive two Tribal Councils even though he was put on the chopping block for sucking in the challenges (under the weak answer 'no, I think I did okay even though I clearly didn't.')
But a tribe switch left him with only one ally: Tracy and he was once again put in harms way. But luck struck Chet yet again when a blindside began taking place that would ally veterans with noobs, take out a key power player, and give Chet a whole new breath of fresh life in the game long term. So how did this fan react? How did he take this second miracle that would help him in the game and also make this season a million times better?
He quit.
Yup. Turns out sucking in the game of Survivor really was hard on Chet. He was hungry, tired, miserable, and wanted to go home. This so called huge fan gave up when a huge opportunity fell in his lap and he did nothing but be a huge waste of space in the tribe (and he can't even admit that). And what really pisses me off? He couldn't even do it for his ally Tracy who stuck by him despite it being a terrible move for her and never swaying. I will always dislike Chet for that.
Coby Archa (Palau)
Here's a fun drinking game that will guarantee you''ll die from alcohol poisoning: pop in the Survivor Palau DVD and take a shot every time Coby bitches about something. You'll be blitzed by episode 4.
So you're on Survivor. You're hungry, you're cold, you've been going on 3 hours of sleep for the past several days, and you're just plain miserable. Unfortunately for Koror, they had the added wrinkle of having Coby on their team who made it his personal goal to bitch about how sucky everyone was around him. His bitter mood began to leak through and as Ian confessioned 'Everyone [was] getting pretty tired of it.' As were the rest of us viewers which is why Coby only lived through a single Tribal Council.
It's interesting to see how hard Coby fucks up in his boot episode as well. For whatever reason, Coby decided to spread a whole bunch of gossip to Steph about how jealous all the ladies were of her. This went over for him about as well as you'd expect since Steph spilled the news to everyone else and killed any hope he may of had for allies. His mistakes didn't end there. When he jumped into the water for a doughnut at an immunity challenge Gregg joked at him to 'save him a bite' to which Coby condescendingly laughed and proceeded to make a big show out of his snack by doing everything but crowing 'awww you guys don't even know what you're missing' in between licking his fingers. Don't take your vote out as a compliment Coby. It sure as hell wasn't one....
Courtney Marit (Exile Island)
Poor Courtney. She was the first to get the butt of all the 'least liked person' votes in the 'splinter alliances' challenge You could almost feel bad for her but we were all forced to watch her soooooooo.....yeaaaahhhhh.
There's really not too much more to Courtney other than when she didn't seem batshit nuts with her 'free love and peace broooo' attitude she wasn't very likable. It'd probably help her if she wasn't doing yoga in other peoples rock garden. When your closest ally is Insane Shane, and most people still vote on you being the biggest poser and most annoying person, you got some bad character flaws.
Michelle Chase (Gabon)
Sarah Jones (Marquesas)
So do you think Sarah goes through life thinking that she was very close to being the Mrs. Boston Rob and having the 15 minutes of fame that Amber once had? If only she could've made it past premerge, who knows what she and Rob could've had.
Unfortunately, Sarah was booted early for...sucking. It seemed liked everyone on her Maaramu team had the same point of view that Sarah was a pretty useless, lazy team member who's most useful feature was being used as a flotation device (for two big, perky reasons). Well everyone except BRob, who even stated in an interview that she was more a useful ally then someone he genuinely liked being around (how does he keep getting women to agree that making out is better when you're breath reeks so bad it feels like a physical kick in the face?).
Point blank, Sarah didn't really have a lot of positive features to really make her likable, even with the fair editing in the early Survivor years.
Ozzy Lusth (Cook Islands, Fans vs Favorites, South Pacific)
Nope. Not an Ozzy man. Loved him at Cook Islands, annoyed as shit at him in South Pacific.
How in the world could you not root for Ozzy by the end of Cook Islands. The kid seemed to be genetically designed for Survivor with his monkey climbing skills, dolphin swimming abilities, and gazelle running speed. He is still regarded as one of the best challenge performers in the shows history. He had the underdog label as a member of the Aitu 4 who made one of the biggest comebacks ever and he came in second place when lost by a single vote. Even though he had some poor moments at times (purposefully losing to vote out Billy), bringing him back as a favorite was an easy call.
Unfortunately, now that Ozzy knows the world thinks he's awesome, he has no problem acting out the 'man,-I'm-sooooo-awesome' role. Ozzy made the poor strategic choice of telling everyone at his camp the right way to do things which pissed off anyone not willing to suck his dick (I'm looking at you Erik). Since it landed him in the leadership role that never does well, Ozzy had to backtrack under the 'no, I'm not the leader guys really' tactic. Didn't work.
As a mental, strategic player, Ozzy was a mess. In South Pacific, he used the Redemption Island twist to try and trick the opposing tribe, Upolu, into thinking he hated his former team and would pretend to vote with them. This was a decent plan that could've been pulled off if Ozzy didn't give one of the worst acting performances in front of the entire cast that made Tara Reid look like Jack Nicholson. The plan didn't even come close to working out. Hell, even his fake HII plan in Micronesia was stolen from another, better player from another season.
And while we're on that, Ozzy's behavior toward Eliza was just douch-y. There's no other way to describe it. I mean, I feel how frustrating it might of been to live with something who looked and sounded like Eliza, but when the girl is on the outs and getting her voted out is just a matter of time, what's the point of mocking and laughing at her misfortune? 'C'mon Jeff. That took hours to make.' Ugh....fuck him so hard for doing that because it put me in the weird position of trying to pick a side between this prick and Eliza and Jason.....
And has anyone ever noticed that every time Ozzy doesn't get his way he becomes this big, whiny, pouty, hurt attitude? I swear, it's like clockwork. When Flicka was voted out in Cook Islands, when Elyse was voted out in South Pacific, and when Cochran flipped on him, his attitude is always the same whiny, emo 'wow, you guys turned on me. I thought we were all a team, but I guess we're not. I'm gonna go mope in a coconut tree...'
All this and I haven't even covered his big moment: the Micronesia jury speech. So staying true to his 'I'm-so-awesome-but-am-also-a--douche-who-likes-to-whine-when-he-doesn't-get-his-way' attitude, Ozzy yelled, insulted and sore-losered the hell outta Parvati and then turn the whole thing around with 'Amanda, I think I was falling in love with you' (which I think he was confused with 'love for camera time') before dramatically smacking himself in the face like a wack job.
Whew, lot to cover with that guy. He had a lot of poor moments and I hope he'll never be asked back. Maybe Comedy Bang! Bang! will work out better for him.
Here's a fun drinking game that will guarantee you''ll die from alcohol poisoning: pop in the Survivor Palau DVD and take a shot every time Coby bitches about something. You'll be blitzed by episode 4.
So you're on Survivor. You're hungry, you're cold, you've been going on 3 hours of sleep for the past several days, and you're just plain miserable. Unfortunately for Koror, they had the added wrinkle of having Coby on their team who made it his personal goal to bitch about how sucky everyone was around him. His bitter mood began to leak through and as Ian confessioned 'Everyone [was] getting pretty tired of it.' As were the rest of us viewers which is why Coby only lived through a single Tribal Council.
It's interesting to see how hard Coby fucks up in his boot episode as well. For whatever reason, Coby decided to spread a whole bunch of gossip to Steph about how jealous all the ladies were of her. This went over for him about as well as you'd expect since Steph spilled the news to everyone else and killed any hope he may of had for allies. His mistakes didn't end there. When he jumped into the water for a doughnut at an immunity challenge Gregg joked at him to 'save him a bite' to which Coby condescendingly laughed and proceeded to make a big show out of his snack by doing everything but crowing 'awww you guys don't even know what you're missing' in between licking his fingers. Don't take your vote out as a compliment Coby. It sure as hell wasn't one....
Courtney Marit (Exile Island)
Poor Courtney. She was the first to get the butt of all the 'least liked person' votes in the 'splinter alliances' challenge You could almost feel bad for her but we were all forced to watch her soooooooo.....yeaaaahhhhh.
There's really not too much more to Courtney other than when she didn't seem batshit nuts with her 'free love and peace broooo' attitude she wasn't very likable. It'd probably help her if she wasn't doing yoga in other peoples rock garden. When your closest ally is Insane Shane, and most people still vote on you being the biggest poser and most annoying person, you got some bad character flaws.
Michelle Chase (Gabon)
There's a solid reason Michelle got the first boot in her season. Turns out the last thing hungry, tired uncomfortable human beings want to deal with is a person who bitches, moans, whines and complains about the world (in a past world, her and Coby ended up on a team together and the entire tribes eardrums exploded). Oh yeah, if you want to add fuel to the fire, also talk about how stupid and horrible they are at life. I think if GC had said he sucked at the first challenge on purpose in order to get her annoying attitude out of the jungle, he may have been able to sell it.
Michelle certainly lacked the mental and social skills needed by like a whole lot. Enough to be a physical power and STILL have her team dislike her enough to get rid of her instead of the weaker and slightly-less-annoying-but-still pretty-annoying Gillian. Also, if you're gonna complain about how much your teammates suck at life, maybe you shouldn't let your final moment on the reunion show be you nervously ranting on live TV like a person who sucks at life? Just saying....
Sarah Jones (Marquesas)
Unfortunately, Sarah was booted early for...sucking. It seemed liked everyone on her Maaramu team had the same point of view that Sarah was a pretty useless, lazy team member who's most useful feature was being used as a flotation device (for two big, perky reasons). Well everyone except BRob, who even stated in an interview that she was more a useful ally then someone he genuinely liked being around (how does he keep getting women to agree that making out is better when you're breath reeks so bad it feels like a physical kick in the face?).
Point blank, Sarah didn't really have a lot of positive features to really make her likable, even with the fair editing in the early Survivor years.
Ozzy Lusth (Cook Islands, Fans vs Favorites, South Pacific)
Nope. Not an Ozzy man. Loved him at Cook Islands, annoyed as shit at him in South Pacific.
How in the world could you not root for Ozzy by the end of Cook Islands. The kid seemed to be genetically designed for Survivor with his monkey climbing skills, dolphin swimming abilities, and gazelle running speed. He is still regarded as one of the best challenge performers in the shows history. He had the underdog label as a member of the Aitu 4 who made one of the biggest comebacks ever and he came in second place when lost by a single vote. Even though he had some poor moments at times (purposefully losing to vote out Billy), bringing him back as a favorite was an easy call.
Unfortunately, now that Ozzy knows the world thinks he's awesome, he has no problem acting out the 'man,-I'm-sooooo-awesome' role. Ozzy made the poor strategic choice of telling everyone at his camp the right way to do things which pissed off anyone not willing to suck his dick (I'm looking at you Erik). Since it landed him in the leadership role that never does well, Ozzy had to backtrack under the 'no, I'm not the leader guys really' tactic. Didn't work.
As a mental, strategic player, Ozzy was a mess. In South Pacific, he used the Redemption Island twist to try and trick the opposing tribe, Upolu, into thinking he hated his former team and would pretend to vote with them. This was a decent plan that could've been pulled off if Ozzy didn't give one of the worst acting performances in front of the entire cast that made Tara Reid look like Jack Nicholson. The plan didn't even come close to working out. Hell, even his fake HII plan in Micronesia was stolen from another, better player from another season.
And while we're on that, Ozzy's behavior toward Eliza was just douch-y. There's no other way to describe it. I mean, I feel how frustrating it might of been to live with something who looked and sounded like Eliza, but when the girl is on the outs and getting her voted out is just a matter of time, what's the point of mocking and laughing at her misfortune? 'C'mon Jeff. That took hours to make.' Ugh....fuck him so hard for doing that because it put me in the weird position of trying to pick a side between this prick and Eliza and Jason.....
And has anyone ever noticed that every time Ozzy doesn't get his way he becomes this big, whiny, pouty, hurt attitude? I swear, it's like clockwork. When Flicka was voted out in Cook Islands, when Elyse was voted out in South Pacific, and when Cochran flipped on him, his attitude is always the same whiny, emo 'wow, you guys turned on me. I thought we were all a team, but I guess we're not. I'm gonna go mope in a coconut tree...'
All this and I haven't even covered his big moment: the Micronesia jury speech. So staying true to his 'I'm-so-awesome-but-am-also-a--douche-who-likes-to-whine-when-he-doesn't-get-his-way' attitude, Ozzy yelled, insulted and sore-losered the hell outta Parvati and then turn the whole thing around with 'Amanda, I think I was falling in love with you' (which I think he was confused with 'love for camera time') before dramatically smacking himself in the face like a wack job.
Whew, lot to cover with that guy. He had a lot of poor moments and I hope he'll never be asked back. Maybe Comedy Bang! Bang! will work out better for him.
Monday, June 1, 2015
So Worlds Apart is over and we had a lot of awful people. So awful in fact, I had to do some adjusting to the bottom of the pile. Here are two of the 18 castaways of Worlds Apart who were so terrible, they couldn't manage to be a likable enough person to stay out of the bottom 40. I don't think anyones mind is gonna get blown at this selection.
Rocky Reid
Parvati Shallow
Jenna Morasca
Rodney Lavoie Jr. (Worlds Apart)
Douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche,
You see that? 4 lines explaining why I dislike Rodney and I don't think anyone is confused as to why. But just in case, here you go: the first red flag was when Rodney gave a horrible argument that women need to hold themselves to a higher standard for no other reason then because they don't have a weiner. Controversial stance, but he managed to walk out okay seeing as the argument was against someone who thought getting a tattoo on her face was a good idea. When given a hard time on his work ethic, Rodney took the oh-so-mature road by making a big show-y hissy fit, slamming firewood on a pile as hard as he could cuz if it works for 5 year olds, why not do it too,,,,
After that, it was a string of 'listen brah! Yo brah! Love ya brah! You need to RELAX brah! That's how we do it in Jersey brah!' If 'how we do it in Jersey' means 'sound as much like a tool as you seem' then sure. And God help you if you deprive him free shit on his birthday cuz you'll be in for a whine-y, immature earful. Don't ever come back brah.
Heidi Strobel
Lindsey Richeter
Ben Browning
Dan Foley (Worlds Apart)
It's really fascinating to me just how hard Dan sucked and how blissfully unaware he is of it. Like, wow....
So I never really disliked Dan that much, even with all the insults to Rodney's mom and awful apologies (under his own disillusion that he's some sort of expert female interpreter). He had a superfan glee about being there and playing the game that I enjoyed watching. You could see it in how hard he played in challenges and rooted for his team members.
And then...
After some nasty awful comments said to Shirin, Dan took the delicate situation and gave his two cents: all the tears and upset emotions Shirin had were all a big, giant ploy because Shirin loooooooooves to play the victim and she was milking the experience of feeling like garbage. I mean, that's.....that's pretty shitty. And you know, I can't say Shirin was exactly a favorite of mine but given how awful the situation was, I don't think it was the best time to talk about 'genuine crying.' At the reunion, Dan decided to make the situation go from bad to worse by being snide, arrogant, angry, and saying it was all poor editing that made him say all those things (which Probst awesome-ly disproved on one of those incidents).
And for a man who loves to boast about his awesome superfan knowledge, he sure as shit doesn't know a lot about the basic understanding of the game. 'Flippers. Never. Win.' Totally true unless you're Vecepia (a winner he doesn't even know of), Danni, or Bob. 'It's just basic math.' Meaning what? Your number alliance has a larger number of people then the other so therefore you win a million? Basic math doesn't guarantee jack.
What's truly remarkable about Dan was according to his final words, he was playing a game to seem like a likable, respected character but ended up having the complete opposite effect. That takes a special kind of dumbass to pull that off.
Rocky Reid
Parvati Shallow
Jenna Morasca
Rodney Lavoie Jr. (Worlds Apart)
Douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche, douche,
You see that? 4 lines explaining why I dislike Rodney and I don't think anyone is confused as to why. But just in case, here you go: the first red flag was when Rodney gave a horrible argument that women need to hold themselves to a higher standard for no other reason then because they don't have a weiner. Controversial stance, but he managed to walk out okay seeing as the argument was against someone who thought getting a tattoo on her face was a good idea. When given a hard time on his work ethic, Rodney took the oh-so-mature road by making a big show-y hissy fit, slamming firewood on a pile as hard as he could cuz if it works for 5 year olds, why not do it too,,,,
After that, it was a string of 'listen brah! Yo brah! Love ya brah! You need to RELAX brah! That's how we do it in Jersey brah!' If 'how we do it in Jersey' means 'sound as much like a tool as you seem' then sure. And God help you if you deprive him free shit on his birthday cuz you'll be in for a whine-y, immature earful. Don't ever come back brah.
Heidi Strobel
Lindsey Richeter
Ben Browning
Dan Foley (Worlds Apart)
It's really fascinating to me just how hard Dan sucked and how blissfully unaware he is of it. Like, wow....
So I never really disliked Dan that much, even with all the insults to Rodney's mom and awful apologies (under his own disillusion that he's some sort of expert female interpreter). He had a superfan glee about being there and playing the game that I enjoyed watching. You could see it in how hard he played in challenges and rooted for his team members.
And then...
After some nasty awful comments said to Shirin, Dan took the delicate situation and gave his two cents: all the tears and upset emotions Shirin had were all a big, giant ploy because Shirin loooooooooves to play the victim and she was milking the experience of feeling like garbage. I mean, that's.....that's pretty shitty. And you know, I can't say Shirin was exactly a favorite of mine but given how awful the situation was, I don't think it was the best time to talk about 'genuine crying.' At the reunion, Dan decided to make the situation go from bad to worse by being snide, arrogant, angry, and saying it was all poor editing that made him say all those things (which Probst awesome-ly disproved on one of those incidents).
And for a man who loves to boast about his awesome superfan knowledge, he sure as shit doesn't know a lot about the basic understanding of the game. 'Flippers. Never. Win.' Totally true unless you're Vecepia (a winner he doesn't even know of), Danni, or Bob. 'It's just basic math.' Meaning what? Your number alliance has a larger number of people then the other so therefore you win a million? Basic math doesn't guarantee jack.
What's truly remarkable about Dan was according to his final words, he was playing a game to seem like a likable, respected character but ended up having the complete opposite effect. That takes a special kind of dumbass to pull that off.
Wednesday, January 7, 2015
Ben Browning (Samoa)
I don't like people who behave in ugly ways. That should be clear with my large disdain for Russell, Phillip, Lisi, Alex, Fairplay, Judd and 75% of everyone else ranked before Ben.
Ben has the impressive achievement of being the only person on Samoa to give viewers thought on who was the bigger asshole: him or a hobbit on crack. He was loud and abrasive, played dirty in immunity challenges, rubbed salt in the wounds of people he had the upper hand on, took a page out of Russell's 'how to jerk off in a personal interview' book, and...yeah. The 'ghetto trash' remarks. I'm not saying Yasmin isn't a piece of work (more on her later), but Ben didn't exactly handle her in a way that made him look like a class act. He isn't exactly bright either. Russell tells a small white lie about Ashley and then Ben gives her the lip because...I don't know....they both agree that women are stupid? And it's silly decisions like that that make Russell believe he actually is the Jesus Christ of Survivor so shame on you for that Ben.
The only two things that keep Ben from being further down on the shit pile is 1) he didn't make it past episode three and 2) more importantly, he apparently patched things up with Yasmin which might mean there's more to him then the jackwad we saw for three episodes.
Dave Cruser (China)
I'm not the biggest China fan, which is kind of unusual in the Survivor fanbase world, and a lot of it stems from its bland cast. You'd think someone with a loud personality like Dave would be a breath of fresh air for that season, but Dave is sadly the obnoxious, annoying loud.
I don't know how Dave didn't consider how his cruddy personsality might be an issue in a game where social intereacting is a large part of the game. Which is why Dave should consider himself fortunate he got a as far as he did when his team decided to keep him over someone else....twice....on purpose. Dave spent his four episodes telling nearly everyone on his tribe how awful their work ethic was and pissing everyone he could off. When wreacking havoc at his own camp got boring, he decided to annoy the people in the enemy camp (James called and he said your hugs weren't even that good), a genius strategy if I believed Dave was smart enough to think it up. He wasn't fun, he wasn't interesting, he wasn't a good Survivor player. And that is why he got kicked out after 4 episodes. Not that his larger-then-life ego would allow himself to admit that.
Ami Cusack (Vanuatu, Fans vs Favorites)
Whenever I see a TV show with a joke about 'a planet entirely populated by women' (see Futurama and Rick and Morty) I always like to imagine Ami is in there somewhere in their Congress.
Ami loves women. She loves sleeping with them, she likes forming bonds with them, and she loves using them to help her win Survivor (unless your old and unattractive. There's no place for you in female culture!) And she loves making men look dumb in the process of it all. If only she could've pretended to stomach Twila and Scout, she may of kept the record perfect for female winners in men vs women seasons. But Ami was very condescending towards the players she had no use for. And after Twila--a person she couldn't stand--outsmarted her on the show, Ami decided the best way to make herself feel better about the situation was to lead the charge with the 'Twila swore on her sons name' campaign that got a way more attention that it should have. But at least she was classy enough to vote for Twila after she was nice enough to kiss her ass (cuz at the end of the day, Twila is still a woman).
She didn't get any better when viewers got her to return in a second season (ugh...). I'm still amazed at the bitch move she pulled when Ozzy decided to use her in a vote against Erik and she responded by smiling cheerily at him and saying 'thanks to you, I've finally connected with the group. And it's all at your expense! Thank you so much for giving me friends by losing even though you're trying so hard to stay. My happiness should definetly help with that sting you're gonna feel on your way out.' Luckily, it didn't pan out that way.
Yasmin Giles (Samoa)
Yes, she beats out her enemy by a smidge, but she still sucks.
I don't think Ben's choice in words were smart, but Yasmin didn't make it easy on herself by handling a teams loss in one of the worst ways she knew how.
In case you don't remember, Foa Foa lost one of their challenges (one of many) and Yasmin was elected as the person sent to their camp for a day. One of the first words out of her mouth was insulting them and comparing her teams winning streak to that of 'taking candy from a baby' and then grabbing Ben and yelling at him for having the gall to physically place his hands on her in a physical challenge that required physical contact. When Ben responded to her tantrum unapologetically (rightfully so), she became enraged that she wasn't getting the apology she felt so entitled to and got even more bitchy.
And I think it speaks volumes when your team votes you out the first chance they get on because of how much they dislike you . But fair is fair, she was classy at the reunion and had a good answer for handling the douche-y Ben.
Jason Siska (Fans vs Favorites)
Kimmi Kappenberg (Australia)
Eliza Orlins- (Vanuatu, Fans vs Favorites)
It absolutely blows my mind how much love this girl gets from the Survivor community. How much love? Enough to warrant producers to get her back for a second Goddamn season.
Okay, sure. It was pretty cool to see her constantly dodge Tribal Council after Tribal Council and make it all the way to Final Four before her bush baby eyes got voted out, but what many people seem to forget is she was constantly on the outs within her team cuz people found her just so Goddamn irritating. The only reason anyone bothered to spare her was because she was so fuckin eager to stay in the game she would've voted her own dying daughter out if it meant staying another three days. When she finally wore out her use (which she hilariously didn't even realize), she gave what I can only imagine was an intimidating death stare to Chris in some laughable attempt to make him feel bad, and then became that juror we love to hate. What was it again? Oh yeah: "My question is I DEMAND AN APOLOGY!!" I can't say Twila telling her to go fuck herself was good gameplay, but I'll be damned if it wasn't satisfying having someone finally tell Eliza to shut the fuck up.
She didn't get any better in FvF either. She still talked enough words to make the Holy Bible look like light reading and when she was on the outs, she pathetically monologued to the people in power about how oh-so-loyal she was. To everyone's credit, they didn't respond by cackling in her face about how stupid she thought they all were. Getting literally laughed out of the Tribal Council was a fitting end for this bug-eyed annoying tool.
Danielle DiLorenzo (Exile Island, Heroes vs Villains)
Little tidbit about me: my dad was a hunter who also raised chickens. Sometimes, things like foxes and raccoons would come and steal one of the chickens. In order to lure them out and kill them, my dad bought an audio CD filled with 48 minutes of rabbits getting tortured. Being 7 years old, this noise always made me feel sad and sick. Then, several years later, I heard Danielle talk....and talk....and talk....and now I don't find that noise so awful anymore.
It may sound petty. but a lot of my dislike for Danielle stems from those vocal cords that vibrate together to make that shitty noise that could generously be called a voice. Her thick accent was the equivalent of Rosie O'Donnell doing a stand up act while chewing with her mouth open. She also gets a lazy chick penalty when she handled crazy Shane in a way only a lazy chick with no counter argument can have. First she responded with 'what're you tawkin about? What'sere prawblem?' followed by grabbing a shovel and attempting to build a fire pit cuz she'll be damned if Shane was gonna be right about her.
She also attempted to pull a Natalie White by using Russell to the point where she didn't need him anymore, which may have worked if she didn't stupidly blurt out how tight she and Parvati was through her dumb, emotional sobbing.
And...well...she looks dumb with those horse teeth. She literally looks like a Mr. Ed with two cantaloupes stapled to her chest.
I don't like people who behave in ugly ways. That should be clear with my large disdain for Russell, Phillip, Lisi, Alex, Fairplay, Judd and 75% of everyone else ranked before Ben.
Ben has the impressive achievement of being the only person on Samoa to give viewers thought on who was the bigger asshole: him or a hobbit on crack. He was loud and abrasive, played dirty in immunity challenges, rubbed salt in the wounds of people he had the upper hand on, took a page out of Russell's 'how to jerk off in a personal interview' book, and...yeah. The 'ghetto trash' remarks. I'm not saying Yasmin isn't a piece of work (more on her later), but Ben didn't exactly handle her in a way that made him look like a class act. He isn't exactly bright either. Russell tells a small white lie about Ashley and then Ben gives her the lip because...I don't know....they both agree that women are stupid? And it's silly decisions like that that make Russell believe he actually is the Jesus Christ of Survivor so shame on you for that Ben.
The only two things that keep Ben from being further down on the shit pile is 1) he didn't make it past episode three and 2) more importantly, he apparently patched things up with Yasmin which might mean there's more to him then the jackwad we saw for three episodes.
Dave Cruser (China)
I'm not the biggest China fan, which is kind of unusual in the Survivor fanbase world, and a lot of it stems from its bland cast. You'd think someone with a loud personality like Dave would be a breath of fresh air for that season, but Dave is sadly the obnoxious, annoying loud.
I don't know how Dave didn't consider how his cruddy personsality might be an issue in a game where social intereacting is a large part of the game. Which is why Dave should consider himself fortunate he got a as far as he did when his team decided to keep him over someone else....twice....on purpose. Dave spent his four episodes telling nearly everyone on his tribe how awful their work ethic was and pissing everyone he could off. When wreacking havoc at his own camp got boring, he decided to annoy the people in the enemy camp (James called and he said your hugs weren't even that good), a genius strategy if I believed Dave was smart enough to think it up. He wasn't fun, he wasn't interesting, he wasn't a good Survivor player. And that is why he got kicked out after 4 episodes. Not that his larger-then-life ego would allow himself to admit that.
Ami Cusack (Vanuatu, Fans vs Favorites)
Ami loves women. She loves sleeping with them, she likes forming bonds with them, and she loves using them to help her win Survivor (unless your old and unattractive. There's no place for you in female culture!) And she loves making men look dumb in the process of it all. If only she could've pretended to stomach Twila and Scout, she may of kept the record perfect for female winners in men vs women seasons. But Ami was very condescending towards the players she had no use for. And after Twila--a person she couldn't stand--outsmarted her on the show, Ami decided the best way to make herself feel better about the situation was to lead the charge with the 'Twila swore on her sons name' campaign that got a way more attention that it should have. But at least she was classy enough to vote for Twila after she was nice enough to kiss her ass (cuz at the end of the day, Twila is still a woman).
She didn't get any better when viewers got her to return in a second season (ugh...). I'm still amazed at the bitch move she pulled when Ozzy decided to use her in a vote against Erik and she responded by smiling cheerily at him and saying 'thanks to you, I've finally connected with the group. And it's all at your expense! Thank you so much for giving me friends by losing even though you're trying so hard to stay. My happiness should definetly help with that sting you're gonna feel on your way out.' Luckily, it didn't pan out that way.
Yasmin Giles (Samoa)
Yes, she beats out her enemy by a smidge, but she still sucks.
I don't think Ben's choice in words were smart, but Yasmin didn't make it easy on herself by handling a teams loss in one of the worst ways she knew how.
In case you don't remember, Foa Foa lost one of their challenges (one of many) and Yasmin was elected as the person sent to their camp for a day. One of the first words out of her mouth was insulting them and comparing her teams winning streak to that of 'taking candy from a baby' and then grabbing Ben and yelling at him for having the gall to physically place his hands on her in a physical challenge that required physical contact. When Ben responded to her tantrum unapologetically (rightfully so), she became enraged that she wasn't getting the apology she felt so entitled to and got even more bitchy.
And I think it speaks volumes when your team votes you out the first chance they get on because of how much they dislike you . But fair is fair, she was classy at the reunion and had a good answer for handling the douche-y Ben.
Jason Siska (Fans vs Favorites)
I am insulted this guy got put on a team called the 'fan' team. Everything this guy did screamed 'get a clue' and it was enraging.
Jason was pretty invisible up til...the moment we all know him for. You know, he goes to Exile, finds a stick, and believes it to be the hidden idol. Okay, so he's not bright, but so what? Stupid people can be fun and likable. But after he gets Eliza humiliated, he makes it to the last two in the final immunity challenge only to stupidly buy into his enemies fake promise that they won't got backsies on their word and will keep him in if he gives up on the immunity challenge (a promise that wouldn't of mattered if Jason had just won the damn thing cuz in case you didn't know Siska, YOU CAN'T VOTE OUT THE PLAYER WITH THE GODDAMN NECKLACE ON!!!) After the players realize just how dumb the kid is, they decide it's better to keep the smart-as-a-booger around and vote out the player that actually mattered so Jason gets another three days to live. Does he use those extra three days wisely? Does Kim Kardashina pick shitty names for her kids?
He gets sent to Exile Island under the lie-as-plain-as-the-nose-on-my-face, it's 'to find the immunity idol. So why you trippin?' True to his dumbass nature, Jason falls for it again and gives himself another shot to get through TC with the discovery of the real HII, only to blurt it out first chance he gets with a simple 'I swear I'm with you, not the allies I've had forever' story.
So lets sum this all up people: Jason can't figure out when an alliance that has been in place longer then he knows is bullshitting him for their own personal benefit. He will eat up any slop you throw at him because he's about as smart as the stick idol he found. Even when he has a front row seat to that same group of people going back on their word to everyone else. He is another dumb stepping stone to that victory Parvati acquired that season and when a 'hardcore fan' can't understand the basics of decent gameplay, that can be so frustrating to watch. Fuck this guy.
Kimmi Kappenberg (Australia)
Poor Kimmi. What sucks about being her is unlike many others before her, she doesn't have the benefit of blaming her awful personality on terrible editing like the newer breed of Survivors have.
No, Kimmi is one of the old school originals who is best known for letting animal rights get in the way of letting her entire team down. What's worse is her entire character arc is made up of tribe members who do not like her. Sure, there's the chick fight that started over a chick when Alicia got fed up with Kimmi dramatically and stupidly playing animal equality attorney with a group of starving team members. But then she has Jeff saying how she just loves to holler loudly about sex and masturbation. And then there's Michael giving a personal interview about how defensive she gets when he offhandedly remarked how dirty she was after living in a mud pile for several days. Bottom line, in an Survivor era where editing was shared equally, everyone was equally talking about how annoying Kimmi was. As we all were.
Eliza Orlins- (Vanuatu, Fans vs Favorites)
It absolutely blows my mind how much love this girl gets from the Survivor community. How much love? Enough to warrant producers to get her back for a second Goddamn season.
Okay, sure. It was pretty cool to see her constantly dodge Tribal Council after Tribal Council and make it all the way to Final Four before her bush baby eyes got voted out, but what many people seem to forget is she was constantly on the outs within her team cuz people found her just so Goddamn irritating. The only reason anyone bothered to spare her was because she was so fuckin eager to stay in the game she would've voted her own dying daughter out if it meant staying another three days. When she finally wore out her use (which she hilariously didn't even realize), she gave what I can only imagine was an intimidating death stare to Chris in some laughable attempt to make him feel bad, and then became that juror we love to hate. What was it again? Oh yeah: "My question is I DEMAND AN APOLOGY!!" I can't say Twila telling her to go fuck herself was good gameplay, but I'll be damned if it wasn't satisfying having someone finally tell Eliza to shut the fuck up.
She didn't get any better in FvF either. She still talked enough words to make the Holy Bible look like light reading and when she was on the outs, she pathetically monologued to the people in power about how oh-so-loyal she was. To everyone's credit, they didn't respond by cackling in her face about how stupid she thought they all were. Getting literally laughed out of the Tribal Council was a fitting end for this bug-eyed annoying tool.
Danielle DiLorenzo (Exile Island, Heroes vs Villains)
Little tidbit about me: my dad was a hunter who also raised chickens. Sometimes, things like foxes and raccoons would come and steal one of the chickens. In order to lure them out and kill them, my dad bought an audio CD filled with 48 minutes of rabbits getting tortured. Being 7 years old, this noise always made me feel sad and sick. Then, several years later, I heard Danielle talk....and talk....and talk....and now I don't find that noise so awful anymore.
It may sound petty. but a lot of my dislike for Danielle stems from those vocal cords that vibrate together to make that shitty noise that could generously be called a voice. Her thick accent was the equivalent of Rosie O'Donnell doing a stand up act while chewing with her mouth open. She also gets a lazy chick penalty when she handled crazy Shane in a way only a lazy chick with no counter argument can have. First she responded with 'what're you tawkin about? What'sere prawblem?' followed by grabbing a shovel and attempting to build a fire pit cuz she'll be damned if Shane was gonna be right about her.
She also attempted to pull a Natalie White by using Russell to the point where she didn't need him anymore, which may have worked if she didn't stupidly blurt out how tight she and Parvati was through her dumb, emotional sobbing.
And...well...she looks dumb with those horse teeth. She literally looks like a Mr. Ed with two cantaloupes stapled to her chest.
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